Stick to the point

Occasionally, my gang would discuss what kind of medical specialty we would pursue if we were doctors.  As if.

Some would be general practitioners, patching up torn-up elbows and prescribing prescriptions for the croup or rickets or scurvy.  A couple wanted to be podiatrists (yuck) and one or two said maybe they'd be gastroenterologists (yuckier). The smart money said to go into dermatology (no nights or weekends, no emergency calls, lots of time to write scripts for ointments and creams).

The closest any of us came to being M.D.s was when I was Music Director of a radio station, but that honor did not confer upon me the right to double park or get free subscriptions to The Reader's Digest for my waiting room. And I guess none of us knew of the bountiful field of aesthetic medicine, the demanding science of making Kardashians look presentable and allowing poker players to fool the table. 

Here's the deal: if you play cards, there is a doctor of aesthetic medicine wants to fill your craggy face with for botox.

Dr. Jack Berdy calls this “Pokertox.” Pokertox is a combination platter of Botox and facial fillers he uses to make your poker face a lot pokier. No wrinkles means no facial emotion that registers when you have a bad  - or good - hand.

If you're interested, you will meet with Berdy to he can figure out your "tells." Those are the unconscious signals you send off when you get a bad hand and try to bluff it.

“Some people might get a card they like or don’t like and raise their eyebrows,” Berdy told The Huffington Post. “If that’s the common reaction, we can put Botox in certain areas to minimize them.”

Or, maybe you can't believe how rotten your hand is, so you squint at the pasteboards. Or drawing a good hand makes you smile that little smile where the corners of your mouth curl up.

The stiff upper lip is good to make even stiffer, so the good doctor will plump you up with Pokertox.

“We can also put Botox in areas to make it look like the player has a ‘tell’ they really don’t have,” he said.

You won't be surprised to read that Doc Berdy loves to gamble, and he sees this as a jackpot, because your Pokertox will only last for three or four months, so you'll be back to see him after a few weeks.

“It’s brilliant marketing,” says Ellen Leikind, author of the book “PokerWoman: How To Win At Love, Life And Business Using The Principles Of Poker.” “However, there are lots of ‘tells’ that can’t be covered up with Botox, such as a throbbing vein in the neck or a tendency to start chatting when you have a good hand, or reaching into your chips subconsciously.”

I just decided to give up medicine and start a rock band called My Throbbing Neck Vein.