Hands Up, Florida!

Castles Made Of Sand is now opening a Florida Bureau so we can keep you up to date with all the latest news from DeSantisland. I saw a story on the newswire about a Floridian who killed his imaginary friend, but it turned out to be a story from 2015, and there is no need to give you OLD Florida news when there is live, local, latebreaking stuff like this:

What does it take to have the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office call YOUR crime spree an "impressive crime spree"? I mean, in a state where people kill imaginary people, this man racked up a total of at least four stolen vehicles and property damage.

Volusia County deputies piled into a squad car, bound for the Pierson area last Tuesday morning. They had a report of a crash at U.S. Highway 17 and Palmetto Avenue. 

I have to stop and say how funny "Palmetto" sounds to me, like the "Walnettos," the chewy caramel-walnut candy that's everything I look for in a candy: chewy, caramel, and walnut.

Anyway, the county mounties pull up on a stolen Ford F-150 pick-'em-up stuck in the mud up to the tailgate at that location. No one was around the grounded truck but the deputies figured it out it came from Marion County.

Volusia County has a new service for easy crime reporting, it seems. While the deputies were processing the stolen abandoned Ford, people stopped off to tell them about two buildings being broken into and also the thefts of another Ford truck (they're like peanuts; you can't stop at one) and a forklift. 

The thief had scooted around town in the forklift until it ran out of fuel. Fortunately, it ran out of fuel right near another Ford pickup, so the crook piled into that and drove off, crashing it into the woods. Deputies said the catalytic converter had been ripped off from under the truck. Those things do make nice souvenirs.

The next thing you know, the law piles back into the car to check out a report of a burglary. At the house in question, the busy thief got into the garage, where he stole a pair of shoes, and a key for the car he then stole.

Next up on Casey's Countdown, he stole a four-wheeler, the owners of which were in the hospital with coronavirus at the time of the theft. Their daughter was supposed to be watching the property, but she missed this part.

Here's where it really becomes Floridafied.  Someone called deputies, saying he was out spraying pesticides, but could hear the four-wheeler racing across his property.

Covid-era Kojak tracked the vehicle tracks and came upon a man walking around. 

The walking fellow asked if he could drink from the sprinklers, but the property owner informed him that there was "poison in the water lines" and it was therefore not safe to drink.

At that, the walking man took off running. Deputies rounded up one Charles Harrington, 24, walking down County Road 3. They got a tip from a neighbor who had seen him jumping a fence and lurking in the woods.

Roll that around in your mind a minute. Of all the places where one can lurk, who has "the woods" high on their list?

Anyhow, all these thefts occurred within an 18-hour time frame, says the arrest report.

“To be clear, this is a very rural area and foot traffic in these areas is unheard of,” the arresting deputy wrote in the report. Lurking is virtually unheard of.

When the deputy stopped Harrington afoot, the suspect claimed he had been  “swimming” with his “old lady.” The officer's body camera video has a moving image of Harrington saying he "knocked on someone’s door asking for some water but other than that I didn’t do nothing.”

It also shows the the deputy telling Harrinregton the sheriff’s office had received “several calls about you.” And then a search of the suspect turned up the keys to one of the stolen F-150s and a lanyard associated with another theft. Searching further, the police found the stolen catalytic converter from the truck on the abandoned four-wheeler.

As Harrington was fitted for a nice pair of handcuffs, he was told the police found  an open warrant on him out of Marion County.

Today's final score: three counts of unarmed burglary and three counts of grand theft less than $100,000.

Remember what David Spade said about the "COPS" TV show being filled with people not wearing shirts who were not a bit surprised to see police in their living rooms.