Can you dig this?

Say, how's the food in Facebook jail?

I ask because I have never been there, as amazing as that would sound, given my predilection for arguing with vaccine resisters, supporters of voter suppression, and of course the "gay marriage threatens the sanctity of my fourth marriage" crowd. 

Somehow, I stop just short of saying whatever it is that sets off bells and whistles in Mark Zuckerberg's breakfast nook, but lots of people don't.

And then there are those who do nothing wrong and still get thrown in the calaboose.

F'rinstance...a Facebook gardening group in western New York.  They are known as  WNY Gardeners, and with more than 7,500 members, they are a widely known and respected source of information about bulbs and seeds and fertilizers and when to cover the aspidistra and the difference between a rake and a push-pull hoe...

That last word gets flagged by Facebook’s language police algorithms. They will pull the user over and write him/her up for “violating community standards.” The word they're really looking for has no "e" on the end, but sometimes people don't know the difference between picking up a ho or picking up a hoe.

Just as in any other judicial system, the first few violations will trigger warnings, but repeated offenses means the authorities can shut down the miscreant.

Up in New York, group moderator Elizabeth Licata saw her group burgeoning in size, with so many people homebound since last year and sinking roots into the earth in search of a hobby.

Ms Licata chose not to delete every instance of the "h" word on the page, accurately figuring that grownups know how to use both words and tilling implements. But one day, when the topic of conversation on the page turned to “your most loved & indispensable weeding tool,” a group member replied, "Push pull hoe!” 

And the sword of Facebookian justice was swift and sure. They sent a notification that said “We reviewed this comment and found it goes against our standards for harassment and bullying.”

Ms Licata

We don't know whether this mistake was made by a human inspector or by  artificial intelligence. FB uses both to scour their corner of the web, looking for offensive behavior.   

And whereas every day, we see FB scofflaws using the basest language to demean others and getting away with it, here are people discussing garden tools and getting their knuckles rapped.

Ms Licata replied. “And so I contacted Facebook, which was useless. How do you do that?” she said. “You know, I said this is a gardening group, a hoe is gardening tool.”

She got no reply.

Not until the The Associated Press got involved did a Facebook representative say they checked out the page and removed the incorrect enforcements.  And they promised to double-check all the gardening double-entendres before issuing more Zuckertickets.

“We have plans to build out better customer support for our products and to provide the public with even more information about our policies and how we enforce them,” Facebook said, in reference to Licata’s complaints.

All taken care of, right? No. Next thing you know, Facebook shut down a post because of “possible violence, incitement, or hate in multiple comments.”

Here are the comments that resulted in the latest violations:  “Kill them all. Drown them in soapy water,” and “Japanese beetles are jerks.”

Let's see if I get in trouble for using the word "clematis."