Let's go mooning

I'm sure I've told you this story before, but when did that ever stop me from being redundant and saying the same thing over and over?

There was a time when my sister called me, cell phone to cell phone, from Paris, which is a leading city in France, land of fromage et vin. The connection from Europe all the way over to here in Carney, land of crabs and beer, was as clear as the proverbial bell. The only way I could have heard her more clearly would have been had she in the car with me.

Then I had to call Peggy at her office in Timonium, land of state fairs and horse racing, and I could hardly hear her on the cell. I'm going "Hello? Hello? Hoy hoy!" and she's hearing nothing.

Now it turns out, we should have made the phone call from the moon, for, you see, NASA is putting a 4G network on the moon.

By 2028, NASA wants to build a base on the moon and set up a "human presence" up there (I have prepared a list of people I would suggest as the first inhabitatants of Lunatic Acres) by the year 2028.

And here it is, 2020 already.

While you're back here on earth fretting about how much Chris Davis is being paid, NASA has shelled out 370 million US dollars to companies developing technology on the moon. They'll need to work on generating electric power (since no currently-available extension cord will reach that far), cryogenic freezing (don't ask why), robotics, safe landing procedures, and a 4G system so that moon dwellers can order green cheese pizzas for dinner and phone home.

Anticipating a large crowd of hungry travelers, NASA has installed the first
Weber grill on the moon.

I don't know how many Gs are in place on the moon right now, but NASA says 4G will give them better long-distance service on the moon, plus TikTok, which will soon be abolished here because they made fun of the ruler. And don't worry, the plan is to give them 5 Gs as soon as possible.

Remember the old Nokia flip phone you loved so much, how it fit so nicely with your acid-washed jeans and Crocs? How about this? Nokia's Bell Labs got $14.1 million to make this happen. They'll be working with a company called Intuitive Machines.

I knew they were in on it. I just had a feeling.

Bell Labs says that lunar explorers will use wireless technology for sending data and grocery lists back home, controlling lunar robot cars, a sort of Google Maps system for the moon, and streaming video.

The good news is that no one will have to build enormous cell towers on the moon. The trade off is that Bell Labs came up with small cell tech instead...it's limited in range, but it's easier to set up.

And getting a building permit to erect cell towers on the moon would be an arduous task. We have no idea how local governments are set up out there, but they probably use different application forms for all this stuff.