"I love that Dirty Water" - The Standells, 1966

I like to wake up in the morning and watch the morning news shows while I gobble breakfast. I shouldn't pay such close attention, because sometimes I shake my head so vigorously that the turkey bacon slides off my English muffin when I see news stories such as the mention of a new "health" "craze": the consumption of raw water.


That's raw, as in untreated, as in water right out of some stanky pond where the deer and the antelope pee. Untreated water is becoming popular among certain folks because they have convinced themselves that evil folks down at the water treatment plant are purifying the water they are about to put in the Keurig, and that's just not safe. 

The people who are so disdainful of non-chunky tap water are paying $60 a gallon for it, because it would be foolish to pay $40.

They should become familiar with the names Cryptosporidium, Shigella, norovirus, and Giardia infection, because those are just a few of the cooties that might get into your gizzard by drinking water that has not seen the benefits of being made potable.

Here it is, 2018, and people are still running around telling themselves that the government adds fluoride to the water to turn us all into Godless commies. These people look forward to autumn every year, because that's the time when they drag out their cherished belief that the government puts something in flu shots that allows them to track our whereabouts and make us vote in certain ways.

Then they go to a rodent-themed amusement park, allow themselves to be fingerprinted at the entry, and wear a radio wristband that allows Big Walt to follow their every move and expenditure.