Tuesday, January 9, 2018

The Oregon Trail

Many moons ago, a wise old friend told me that things are very different out West in the US, that people out there think and act very differently from back here in the stodgy East.

Oh, and he also told me never to go out there, or the top of my head would fly off. Reasons cited included a tendency out on "the coast" to be chronically late and underdressed for business meetings, and a habit of spreading guacamole all over everything.

But now, if I were to decide to Oregon, I could pump my own gas when I get there.

Readers in other parts of the world might find it odd that it only became legal last week for Oregonians to pump their gas at filling stations. Until January 1, Oregon and good old New Jersey ("Home of Chris Christie") were the only two states where drivers were not allowed to hop out at the Gas 'N' Go and fill up with Hi-Test. 

We go to New Jersey for the annual Christie Days festival, and it does make you feel like you're a Hilton or something to pull up to the pump and tell the guy "fill 'er up!" We've been pumping our own here in Maryland for a while now, and it's a nice break from scrinching behind the wheel to get out and nozzle up. It also gives you a chance to squeegee the windshield and go inside the FillMore and see the array of items for sale: blunts as yet unstuffed, Slim Jims, energy drinks, and the complete line of TastyKake treats.

But in Oregon, they are flipping out all over the place!

The new law signed into law last year by Gov. Kate Brown lets drivers pump their own gas in half of Oregon’s 36 counties.

And a tv station in Medford, Oregon was hosed down with Facebook comments from its viewers, who were outraged at the very thought of getting out of their Priuses (Pria?) to do something for themselves.

Among the exasperations: 

“I don’t even know HOW to pump gas and I am 62, native Oregonian … I say NO THANKS! I don’t want to smell like gasoline!”  - - To which I add, go to Dollar Tree, get a pair of cotton jersey gloves for pumping purposes, and store them inside the little door to the gas cap!

“I’ve lived in this state all my life and I REFUSE to pump my own gas … This a service only qualified people should perform. I will literally park at the pump and wait until someone pumps my gas.”
 - - As much as I respect other people who pump their own gas and find employment at service stations, it does not require a PhD to squirt gasoline into a car.

“I go to work at 5 in the morning. Not a lot of people at the gas pumps at that time in the morning. And yes, I will not feel safe pumping my own gas … Not to mention it’s freezing and rainy. So thank you to all who voted to change it. You have now taken away a nice luxury that most of us enjoyed.” - - So you didn't mind the people who work there getting frozen and rained-upon? And that canopy overhead will protect you at all hours of the day and night.

“Many people are not capable of knowing how to pump gas and the hazards of not doing it correctly. Besides I don’t want to go to work smelling of gas when I get it on my hands or clothes. I agree Very bad idea.” - - Again, it's an easily-acquired skill, and the hazards are pretty much limited to not setting yourself, your car, or the gas station on fire. Think you can manage that?

“Yuck! Pumping my [own] fuel in freezing temperatures and handling a nasty ole fuel nozzle that 50 other people have touched that day (and who knows what cooties are on there), no thank you. It’s nice to not have to pump your own fuel.” -  - After you pump your gas, pump your Purell!

Someone, please tell Oregonianites that millions and millions of Americans fill their cars with precious petrol every day and manage to go to work without a) being on fire b) reeking of gasoline and c) having cooties.

It's been years and years since I ever saw a cootie, and it wasn't at a gas station, I'll tell you that right now!

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