Thursday, July 30, 2015

The Worst Person

Walter "Chiclet-Teeth" Palmer
See?  This is why we need Keith Olbermann on the air every single day, because in a world filled with billions and billions of people, we need to have someone pointed out as The Worst Person In The World.

I doubt that anyone would argue that today's WPITW is Walter Palmer, of Bloomington, Minnesota.  He is a dentist by trade, but I won't dignify his dastardly life by calling him "Dr," out of respect to those who have earned that title and should be respected.

At his office
Palmer is the scoundrel who killed Cecil the lion in Zimbabwe. Cecil lived in a park and was a beloved national treasure to Zimbabweans, so Palmer went there and participated in a scheme to lure the lion out of the park (where killing him would be illegal) with food so that he could shoot him with an arrow and then track him for a day before shooting him to death. And skinning and beheading him, leaving Cecil's six cubs fatherless and condemned to death as other male lions seek to exert dominance in the savanna.

And you wonder why Americans are so beloved all across the globe.

In 2008, this jackanapes went bear hunting here in America, since it's not fair to have all his atrocities happen overseas. He pleaded guilty in federal court in Wisconsin to misleading a federal agent in connection with the hunting of a black bear. He had killed a bear 40 miles outside of the zone where he held a permit to hunt bear, then he and his cronies took the carcass back to where it would have been legal to shoot it, and lied about it.

He could have been given five years in prison, but this being the American system of justice, Palmer was sentenced to one year’s probation and fined $3,000.

At his home
Now he goes to Africa, murders a beloved creature and says he thought everything was copacetic about it. People in his town of Eden Prairie (how ironic) are leaving stuffed animals at the door of his suddenly-closed dental clinic and at his home. His Yelp! reviews are scathing and venomous, as they should be.

I don't approve of people sending death threats to this cutthroat goon.  

But I think it would be appropriate if, after a trial is held and he is found guilty, he be taken on a helicopter flight over the Everglades and given a chance to observe nature in the wild, as ecosystems interact and species find ways to exist.

And then he should be thrown into the swamp.  See ya around, nature boy.  This is all for research, you see. As a dentist, he would see first hand how many teeth an alligator has.

And also second hand.

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