Friday, July 10, 2015

A Plague Upon Us

In Exodus, Pharaoh refused to let the Hebrew people (or Israelites) leave Egypt. 10 plagues were sent as a divine demonstration of power and displeasure, designed to persuade Pharaoh to "let my people go," in the words of the spiritual Go Down Moses.

So, what were the 10 Plagues?

1.  Water to Blood
2.  Frogs
3.  Gnats or Lice
4.  Flies
5.  Livestock Diseased
6.  Boils
7.  Thunder and Hail
8.  Locusts
9.  Darkness
10.  Death of all the Firstborn

Wow.  I feel sorry for all the people who had these plagues visited upon them, and especially for all you first-born people!  I'm a second child, born at 8:30 on a Saturday morning, and I've been an early riser ever since.

But what if the deities wished to foist off another 10 plagues on us today?  Here's what I would worry about:

1. Chickpeas and hummus are all you get for dinner and you'll LIKE it!
2. Having to sit through 127 trailers for upcoming movies that I'm not about to see ever
3. Hangnails and split fingers.  How come a tiny cut one billionth of an inch hurts worse than getting 1 billion stitches?
4. The tuning knob breaks and you have to listen to Nickelback* for the rest of your life
5. You have to listen to people who have not one scintilla of an iota of an inkling of any knowledge of what they are talking about
6. Mosquitoes that are the size of the USS New Jersey and live in New Jersey
7. People who keep saying their pet phrase wrong ("For all intensive purposes", "It ain't rocket scientists", "I wouldn't want to have that on my conscious")
8. Those little eye crumbs that you find in your eye every morning.
9. People who can't wait for the next season to get here..."If only it would cool off so I can say 'If only it would warm up' "
10. Hearing people who devoted twenty years to becoming famous whinging about being famous.

Of course, I just realized that all these plagues are happening to us now!  And we're doing fine.  We can stand more than we think...Yay us!

*You may substitute Adele for Nickelback, or Garth Brooks, as you wish.

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