Here is a crime in which I can prove my innocence from far, far away: Nestle said that twelve tons of KitKat chocolate bars were ripped off in Europe last week. Thieves got away with a truckload of KitKat and the KitKat truck as well.
A truck carrying 413,793 of the candy bars left central Italy to satisfy the cravings of KitKat lovers throughout Europe. The truck was supposed to arrive in Poland, but never showed up. And no one knows a darn thing about it.
KitKat announced that the purloined sweets all have a unique batch code, so anyone who scans the batch numbers of the missing bars will receive instructions on how to get in touch with KitKat headquarters.
And they addressed the thieves with words that are at least partly conciliatory: "Whilst we appreciate the criminals' exceptional taste, the fact remains that cargo theft is an escalating issue for businesses of all sizes."
My original point is that no one can pin this on me, because no one has ever seen me with a KitKat in my hand. Never will, as long as they keep making Snickers and Milky Way!
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