Early Edition

 In 2005, cornball chronicler-of-the-times Mitch Albom, along with four editors who were supposed to keep an eye on what Albom foisted off on the public, were suspended from the Detroit Free Press. That paper published a column Albom wrote, all about two college basketball players being in attendance at an NCAA tournament game, and how they reminisced about the good old days yada yada yada.

Problem was, the men were NOT at the game. In the trite style for which he became famous with the publication of "Tuesdays With Morrie," Albom wrote of  two former Michigan State players who had made it to the NBA coming back to cheer for their alma mater. The players told Albom they were going to the game, so he churned out his column on a Friday night for publication on Sunday, but they did not show up for the Saturday game. This stained his reputation and makes me question every single word he has ever written or will ever write.

In tribute to Mitch Albom, here is my breaking news story about last night's Superbowl. I must say in advance, I am uninterested in who won, so I am writing this in advance, and will depend on the copy editors at Blogger to make the necessary adjustments. Thanks everyone!

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Well, sir, wasn't that a helluva game? Congratulations to the (Seahawks) (Patriots) for a magnificent win in Super Bowl LX. Led by the deadly accurate passing of (Sam Darnold)(Drake Maye), the vaunted running attack featuring (Seattle's Kenneth Walker III) (New England's Rhamondre Stevenson) and the stout defense led by (Patriot outside linebacker K'Lavon Chaisson)(Patriot middle linebacker Ernest Jones IV).

The outcome of the game was in serious doubt all the way to the very end, when (Patriot star __________) (Seahawk great ____________) scored in unbelievable fashion, securing his team's hard-fought Super Bowl victory for the first time in  (12) (8) years.

Across the nation, fans put down their drinks and fajitas long enough to cheer the triumphant halftime show starring (Bad Bunny) (Kid Rock).

President (Donald Trump) (was) (was not) in attendance, but was still (gracious) (conscious) enough to extend congratulations to winning coach (Mike Vrabel) (Mike Macdonald).

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Thanks, editors! I had more fun watching (PBS British shows) (King of Queens reruns).

-MC