A massive disappointment

I find a lot of recipes online and in the newspaper because I am always up for trying new ways to cook the foods we like.

I might have to reconsider that. Last night I went with a dinner recipe from Instagram that everyone and their brother was clicking on to say how great it was. "It" was Crockpot Orange Chicken. 

The beauty of it was the simplicity of it, I thought in my simple mind. Just cube some boneless chicken (on sale 1/2 price last week) and toss together BBQ sauce, orange marmalade, corn starch, soy sauce and the zest of one orange, throw it into the slo-cooker, and come back in six hours.

I should have thrown it directly down the disposal. I knew it wouldn't be as good as Chinese Carry-Out Orange Chicken, where the cubes are deep fried and then bathed in orange-garlic-honey sauce, but I thought this could be good, save the mess of frying, and settle in happily over a nice nest of white rice.

Friends, I gotta tell you, it was like "Rapper's Delight" up in here... 

Ever went over a friend's house to eat and the food just ain't no good?

I mean the macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed, and the chicken tastes like wood

This is what I pictured for six hours.
I won't even show you what I cooked.

This chicken tasted so much like wood, I was thinking of making a little birdhouse out of it. This was the worst meal I have ever cooked and I hereby apologize to Peggy, whose only comment was, "Well, it was edible." At least it was on sale.

I can come back from this, but my shame and self-loathing are at all-time highs.