Out at home

Listen, I know what you're going to say..."But stealing is ALLOWED in baseball!" Yes, that is true. During the game, a runner on first base is allowed to steal second base.  

But some random fan can't skulk around the park late at night and steal second base.

In Milwaukee, a Brewer fan (!) passed out in the bushes outside American Family Field after a game, and woke up at some wee small hour of the morning to squeeze himself into the team clubhouse, where he ripped off electronic gear, a credit card, and other stuff including uniforms and memorabilia.

The guy has been caught stealing, and charged with felony burglary, leaving him with an 0-1 record for the year.

The criminal complaint alleges that the dude went to the doubleheader the Brewers had with the Giants last Sept. 8 and consumed 10 beers over the course of the two games, which apparently gave him superhuman strength, enough to yank on a stadium door and force it open.

He proceeded to the clubhouse and found a laptop, iPods, headphones, a passport, and  a credit card from a strength coach, and then hit the goldmine when he entered manager Craig Counsell's office, walking off with a jersey, a shaving kit, a game-used hat, an autographed bat, a 45-year anniversary 1982 signed bat, a fake World Series ring, and keys to the team’s Arizona spring training facility.  

Craig Counsell models some of the wardrobe items left behind.

From the coaches' locker room, Lightfingered Louie helped himself to two official jerseys, a bag of baseballs, and pitching equipment.

From there, he called an Uber to take him home, where he arrived with a duffel bag full of his ill-gotten swag, according to his roomate.

I'm no attorney (applause) but I can already envision the defense his barrister will mount: 

"Your honor, my client found himself in impaired condition early on the morning of September 9 past. Only through his quick thinking was he able to assemble a makeshift gift bag of Brewers apparel, to be donated to the Little Sisters Of The Poor for their annual banquet..."