They call junk mail SPAM, for a good reason

I've never tasted Spam, the delightful combination (it's "made of pork with ham meat added, salt, water, potato starch, sugar, and sodium nitrite") of porky flavors that comes in a can down in the canned meat aisle at Foodville.

By the way, did you ever wonder why we have the expression "living high on the hog"? It comes from our sad legacy of slavery. People held in slavery were certainly not given the best food by any means, but they noticed that the slaveholders and their friends were eating the better food- the cuts of pork that come from high up on a hog - such as the loin -  whereas they had to make do with the southern parts of the pigs -  the feet, knuckles, hocks, belly, and jowls.

Well you can bet your barbecue dinner that they don't use the expensive cuts in Spam. I never had it as a kid because Dad had enough of it while in the WWII Navy to last him for his first lifetime and this second one he's now enjoying (his ascension day was this very day in 1997). 

So good old Pop was not around to see this latest sad addition to our meat selection - the friends and neighbors over at Hormel have come out with Spam Figgy Pudding.

The new Christmas Spam adds to the original ingredients "fig and orange flavors, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, ginger and all spice." 

And here's the good news, in case you're going backpacking - it needs no refrigeration. They call that "Shelf Stable."

Now, in Britain, figgy pudding is a holiday regular. It's a heavy dense steamed cake, not pudding as we think of it over here. It has raisins, currents, and brandy, but where it once was cooked with figs, that's no longer the case.

It might be hard to find this stuff on the shelves, by the way, for the same reason that we cannot understand. But when you ask the Hormelians why they foisted this off on the American public, they say, "The makers of the SPAM® Brand wanted to create a limited-edition seasonal variety that captures the magic, warm flavors and nostalgia we all crave during the holiday season. And with SPAM® Figgy Pudding, the brand did it all in one can."

My second favorite newspaper, the Washington POST, slices up a nice review of Spam Figgy: 

 "an intense faux-orange flavor that brought to mind those horrifically dyed and colored candied fruits that somehow make their way into objectionable holiday sweets, backed by a discordant chorus of baking spices."

It sounds to me like I don't want any, but don't let that stop you!

And I promise you, I checked, and this is not a gag product.