Another Spring Sunday In America

The arrival of April brings with it every year baseball games to enjoy in person, or on radio or tv, spring fairs and festivals in town squares and churchyards, snowball stands opening for business, and people decked out in shorts and t-shirts.  All good.

Of course, spring brings with it certain annoyances, such as golf matches, stock car races, and tennis tournaments on Sunday afternoon TV, which makes the news come on late (or not at all), mosquitoes the size of military aircraft, and, the most American nonsense of all, aircraft stunts on Sunday afternoons that, sadly, wind up on the news (if it comes on) as planes crash and pilots eject, and for what valid purpose?

The perfect example, and mercifully no one died in it, occurred Sunday, when Red Bull, manufacturers of the caffeine-laden energy drink, concocted a trick in which two pilots bailed out of their own airplanes and tried to skydive into each other's plane way up in the air.

Now the federal government has been called into the matter to find out what was up (in the air) with all that.

Andy Farrington, 42, and his cousin, Luke Aikins, 48, were up there, each at the controls of a Cessna prop plane at 12,000 feet. They called it "The First Midair Plane Swap," and maybe there was a reason why no one in history ever thought it would be a good idea. But hey, it was live on Hulu, so let's go!

So there they were, flying too high in the sky, and they sky dive out of their respective planes. And then, one of the planes went into a flat spin. Falling earthward at a rate of 140 miles per hour, Farrington used his parachute to come down, and Aikins somehow made it to Farrington's plane and took over the controls.

The other plane came down to earth when its tail chute deployed. Both pilots wound up on the ground, predictably, and they were both unharmed.

The Federal Aviation Administration, which has much more important things to worry about than these imbecilic stunts, told NBC News it did not sanction this nonsense. They have launched a full investigation. NBC News asked Red Bull if this silly exhibition required FAA approval.

 "The Red Bull Air Force maintains a close working relationship with the FAA for all aircraft and aviation feats," Red Bull wrote in an email.

And now we know there is a Red Bull Air Force!

But the FAA told NBC that it had denied Red Bull's request for "an exemption from federal regulations that cover the safe operation of an aircraft.”

All the top generals of the Red Bull Air Force are investigating how things could have gone so wrong.  

"We are investigating how — despite our careful planning — this occurred," a Red Bull Air Force spokesperson told NBC, which added that the pilots could be fined or have their licenses revoked as a result of the FAA investigation.

Also,  the FAA could fine or ground the Red Bull Air Force, and that would be a shame, because the Red Bull Air Force is such a vital part of our national defense against sluggishness.

Remember when things made sense?