Sunday Rerun: It's Porn Down Rain

Like you, when I first heard of Carly Fiorina, I thought they were talking about Ted Fio Rito, popular 1930's bandleader who gave us "Fly Away To Ioway" and dozens of other big smashes.

But, as so often happens, I was wrong.  Carly Fiorina is a woman who used to run the Hewlett-Packard company, the people who made the printer that sits right here atop my desk and works about every third time I hit the "print" key. 

Carly

During her six years at the helm of H-P, she tripled her own salary, laid off 30,000 people (one of whom should have made my printer work a little better, but...) and presided over a 50% plunge in the tech giant's stock value. 

Her employees loved her to such an extent that they greeted her with a solid round of "Boo" and other expletives at an annual meeting.

Naturally, to reward her for these great accomplishments, the powers that be H-P gave her a $42 million severance check to get her to go home.

And I know a lot of people who would go away for a lot less - and go a lot farther.  But Ms Fiorina is still around, whereas most of us would be living on a South Sea island with our 42 million semolians buying us mango desserts and rummy coffee.

And she wants to be our next president.

Clearly gifted with the ability to reach out to the working class, she reported to Chris "Son Of Mike" Wallace on the Wolf News that American workers sit and watch pornography all day at work.

The quote was:  “How many Inspector General reports do we need to read that say, you know, you can watch porn all day long and get paid exactly the same way as somebody who’s trying to do their job?”
   
I've been retired for three years now, and I guess I didn't hear about work changing this much.  Apparently, the lights are dimmed in every office from 9 til 5, suggestive throbbing saxophone music is played over the loudspeakers, and everyone's PC comes to life with the greatest porn of the 70s, 80's, 90's and today!

Bosses are now required to dress in crushed velvet tuxedos with outrageously large bowties, all in garish neon colors.

You can try sending your Fiscal Year breakdown report to the printer, but what comes out is an autographed picture of the cast of "Twin Cheeks."

I'll leave it to your imagination what happens when the front desk calls for a pizza, a plumber or a parcel delivery.

The annual holiday party now takes place down on the highway at the Motel Hourly, with all in attendance being asked to dress appropriately for the theme, dressing like characters from the movie "Pulp Friction."

Don't laugh!  Last year, it was "The Beaverly Hillbillies"!

From what Ms Fiorina believes, the modern office is such a sybaritic pleasure dome that no one even wants to leave their cubicle for lunch.

But maybe that's because they heard about what's in the mashed potatoes.