Chow down

There are things we can count on as we stagger through this life of ours.

One of them is that major corporations will always do market research and then share the results.  This is why we hear that after interviewing countless consumers, pork producers can be assured that people still like bacon.  And they would have only had to ask you and me to learn that!

This is why the good people at Burger King are coming out with chicken rings, like onion rings but made from chicken, like their chicken fries.  I guess they have invented liquid chicken, easily extruded into any shape.

And there are going to be Orange Crush flavored Pop Tarts popping out of your toaster soon.  Also, A&W Root Beer flavored tarts. You may be certain that test tarts were given to fourth-graders in Sheboygan and Keokuk, the kids gobbled them up, and the executives back to Tartville rushed to the factory to start baking.

Another thing you can count on is that Pumpkin Spice Cheerios will be on the grocery shelves by mid-August, the traditional beginning of the American harvest flavor bonanza.  This makes the 447th flavor of Cheerios, and while we await the 448th (Leather) we can tell the people who make Oreos to hurry up, because there are only 297 types of Oreos, and that's money waiting to be made for the cookie giant.

And while we're counting up things you can count on, here's another dependable occurence:  TV news people will read stories about these unpleasant new foods, or the latest burger concoction that uses donuts as the buns to hold 4 all-beef patties, a pound of cheese and a tub of mayonnaise, and they will say they can't wait to get out there and chow down on one.  Oh how they will swoon, these people who weigh maybe 103 pounds.

And the women weigh even less!