Another of my hangups

I thought I was the only one, so I didn't say anything.  I mean, it's embarrassing, and why bring it up?  But now that there is safety in numbers...now that some other fellow sufferer has stepped forward out of the darkness and into the light of day, I can say..

This guy who put his picture on Reddit is not the only person to suffer from CPS,  what experts call the heartbreak of Cargo Pants Syndrome.

Cargo pants and shorts were just made for guys such as I...guys who think nothing of carrying a small 40's era compendium of Ring Lardner's works to have company while sitting at Social Security offices...guys who carry a lot of keys, Purell® and Leatherman® tools...guys with a lot less sense than the average guy...guys such as I.

You don't see George Clooney wearing cargoes, because he is sleek and sophisticated, and can afford to have a man walking around carrying all that extra stuff that we lunks tote.

Only problem is, with all those flapdoodles and kangaroo pockets riding at the same height as knobs and drawer pulls, we also know the heartbreak of getting hung up by the cabinetry.

Of course, if we really get caught because we are wearing cargo pants, we probably have several tools in our pockets to use in freeing ourselves, because we are wearing cargo pants.