The Irony and Steal Business

Everything went wrong in English in America when a Canadian, Alanis Morissette, came out with a song called "Ironic" in 1995. She misused the word "ironic" in the song, writing about a man of 98 years who won the lottery and then died the next day.  Or how she met the perfect man and then met his wife.  Or she took a smoke break and saw a No Smoking sign.

Not a single case of irony in her whole carload of coincidences and bad breaks.  Nor is there irony when you bid someone farewell with "See you tomorrow" but then see them when you both stop at the Bag 'N' Go after work.

The easy example to remember is that it is not ironic for a car to run into a billboard on the highway...except if it's a billboard promoting safe driving.

Or, in the movie Dr Strangelove, when two military types almost duked it out, and the president hollers, "You can't fight in here!  This is the War Room!"

Ironic.

Meanwhile, in Dagestan Russia, Zubeidat Tsarnaeva, the mother of the accused Boston Marathon bombers, keeps hollering that her sons are lily-white innocent and could not possibly have done the enormity that one died doing and the other will answer for in court.

I know you can see Russia from Alaska, but you can't see Boston from Russia, so, in legal terms, how in the hell does she know what her two creepy sons were up to?

Here's an irony you'll love: Mrs Tsarnaeva will find herself jammed up tight if she tries to come over here to America to continue her defense of her sons, because there is an open warrant for her in Natick, Massachusetts for shoplifting from a Lord & Taylor department store.  She had a court date of October 25, 2012 to answer charges, but she FTA'ed...court lingo for Failed To Appear.

So if she washes up on these shores to attend the older boy's funeral or defend the younger one, she will face arrest.  Just like Dzhokhar, who is also under arrest, on slightly more serious charges.

And how did the Boston police come to pinpoint the evil brothers in the first place?

Because of a security video from a department store right in front of where those two planted their lethal bombs.  A Lord & Taylor department store.

So stay the hell over in Russia, Zubeidat.  Maybe those two dunderheaded sons would have been better had they had a better mother.