Hieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 A woman calling herself "Connie" called my cell the other day. Ordinarily, I would not have answered, but I was expecting a call from someone whose number I don't know, so I was answering everything.

"Connie" said she was with Disability Associates and was calling to set me up with a phone appointment to discuss my possible benefits.

I said no one here is in need of any disability benefits, and why was she calling me?

"Connie" said someone from our household had signed up for an appointment.

I asked for details.

She had none to offer.

As I gave her the air (sent her packing, gave her the bum's rush) it came to me that this woman is working for a firm that has people calling people who are on some master list of Who Is Old In America, tricking them into talking to some unctuous salesperson who will have them sign up for Jitterbug cell phones and WOW computers and I don't know what-all else.

Phone solicitors have known for years that people of the raised-in-the 50's generation, and the people who raised them, are programmed to answer a phone and not hang up on a caller. This knowledge is what allows them to get a person on the phone and keep yammering on and on. Many times, a person will sign up to buy something just to get the annoying son of a Grinch off the phone.  And many times the person will have no intention of signing up for long distance service or  a delivery of steaks or a lottery ticket or a donation to the U S Semi-Olympic Team  , but they get bamboozled.

As I say, I don't normally answer those calls, but I had to in this case. And while we all hear all the time that Congress is going to do something about these junk calls, remember, the phone companies make good money off these crooks, and they are not about to allow Congress to stop that good deal.

So they, and their chosen Congresspersons, put out occasional press releases saying that ..."This massive invasion of privacy is un-American, and a nettlesome aspect of our lives that we are going to eliminate once and for all! Together, our Congress and our beloved telecom service providers have formed committee after committee to identify the problem at the source! Meanwhile, please join the do-not-call list so we can all pretend there is one."  

If the powers above were really serious, they would make it so that if anyone bothered a citizen with an unwanted phone call, said citizen would be allowed to go to that nuisance's house and rub an unpleasant ointment all over him/her while playing the songs from "Frozen," as performed by Iggy Azalea.

There used to be a guy who played for the Baltimore Colts back in the days when players made per season about as much as the second-string left tackle makes now. This guy was one of those prototypical football players back in the day, hailing from a mining town and eking his way though college on the GI Bill and onto a Colts roster because he was willing to do anything for a job. They needed offseason jobs in those days, and this fellow came to training camp one summer day and reported that he had worked a job as a troubleshooter.

But, as he said, he could find the trouble, but they wouldn't let him shoot it!

I don't want to shoot anyone just for calling me and fibbing about why. Just give me their home number and I will gladly return their call at my earliest opportunity. How's 3:15 AM for you, "Connie," if that IS your name?