Zoo's Blues

The situation: you're at a stuffy dinner party (the year is 2022) and there is a lull in the conversation. After a short period of "ahems" and "erruhhhs" and someone mentioning what cute thing Marmaduke said the other day, here's your chance to get a conversation going again.

Just ask "how long does it take an elephant to notice a damn fool daddy who brings his 2-year-old child into an elephant's den?

(Answer: 30 seconds!)  Just ask José Navarrete. Navarette, 25, fell out of the running for Father Of The Year in San Diego for being so poorly-thought out that he came up with the idea of clambering his way into the habitat of Asian and African elephants at the San Diego Zoo. Of course, as a true fool, he carried his daughter along, although you have to figure she was not up for the idea to begin with. It says here that José was looking to update his FB cover photo. What looks cooler than an enraged 12,000 lb. pachyderm thundering toward you?

So now José is facing a child cruelty charge for *allegedly* bringing his child into an elephant habitat at the Zoo on Friday, say San Diego police.

No one, human or otherwise, was harmed.

San Diego Police Sgt. Ariel Savage said the elephant was agitated when the intruder and his child appeared, and the peanut-eater seemed to be getting ready to charge.

It was a witness, Matthew Passiglia, who told the TV news that only took about 30 seconds for the elephant to notice Navarrete. "A lot of people froze and didn’t know really how to take it in, then immediately everyone was pleading with him and then it became frantic and hysterical," Passiglia said.

"It was a big roar. [The elephant] stuck its head up in the air and its tusks and he started trotting toward them," Passiglia said.

Passiglia says people were trying to help Navarette get back on the side of sanity and safety, but the poor fool tripped and dropped his unlucky child, as the mighty beast got within 5 feet.

"I didn’t think it was going to end well. There was a moment when the elephant had the option and luckily the elephant took a second guess and there was confusion right there on the floor with them," Passiglia said.

And then, just before the elephant got to the fence, Navarrette scooped up his child and got back over the fence as the Loxodonta africana stuck his giant tusks through the fence.

Arrested on child cruelty charges, Navarette is being held on $100,000 bail and will be arraigned on March 30.

He should be glad I'm not the judge.