Saucy

Remember this high-level fast-food discussion from "Fast Times At Ridgemont High," as Brad breaks in a new guy at All American Burger?

You got your sliced tomatoes, shredded lettuce, secret sauce.
What's the secret sauce? - Thousand Island dressing.
What's the secret sauce at Bronco Burger?
Ketchup and mayonnaise.
Gotcha.

Although I never worked along the fast-food trail, a lot of my friends and fellow detention servers did, and they told me a lot about the "secret sauce" at Gino's and McDonald's and Hardee's and the Burgers, Chef and King.

And then came a day when I was placing another order at a crabcake carryout, and I asked about the amazing sauce they served along with their chow. I was sure it was a version of some imported tapenade or Hollandaise or beurre blanc with lemon cream notes.

Wrong again, Béchamel breath. The guy slinging the food told me it was 1/2 mayonnaise, 1/2 mustard, with a little Old Bay seasoning.

We may not be French all up in here but we do love our sauces and dips and marinades, and we also love hybridization. Speaking of French, it was the people at French's mustard who got into a war with the catsup makers at Heinz, and French's got into the catsup business and Heinz came out with mustard and anarchy reigned.



And THEN, some bright people in the marketing dept. of Heinz said, now listen here, let's make more ketchup and someone in the next cubicle, eavesdropping, thought they said "let's make mashups," and so was born Mayochup, the blessed union of Mayonnaise and Ketchup.

People started dunking fries in there and it was a special moment for America's budget gourmands.

And now, there's no stopping them. Like romantic pairings on a soap opera, seemingly made by picking names out of a hat, Heinz is proud to offer you a blend of Mayonnaise and Mustard (Mayomust) and one featuring Mayonnaise and Barbecue Sauce (Mayocue.)


Heinz Director Of Marketing Nicole Kulwicki says, “Sauce lovers nationwide have been mixing different condiments to create flavor combinations that will take their favorite foods to the next level for years… First with Mayochup sauce and now with Mayocue and Mayomust sauces, we’re taking out the guesswork to give our fans the perfect condiment blends from the start!”

The perfect blend seems to be half of this and half of this, with a skosh of spice and maybe a smidge of who knows what. These condiments will be on your store shelves soon enough, so quick, start making sandwiches!

Who knows? Maybe they'll take me up on my idea of combing basting sauce with fine mustard. I would love to try new Bas-tard Sauce!