Bang Bang!!

I promise you, if I ever have to seek medical attention for a sprained neck, it's going to be because I can't stop reading stories like this in the news.

A man named Gage Flood, 19, stands charged with armed robbery, first-degree assault and other firearm-related offenses (nine counts in all) after he tried to commit a robbery in a dorm at Towson University last week.

He's not a student, not affiliated with the U in any way, but the object of his felonious intentions was a $1,000 Celine hat.

You can stop rubbing your eyes now. Someone was wearing a French hat that cost a thousand simoleons, and Flood wanted it, so he tried to remove it from their head and place it on his own.

In the process, he shot himself in the leg.

This TV screenshot shows the ALLEGED gunman being taken away by Baltimore County paramedics, none of whom were wearing $1000 hats.

Then he handed his weapon over a student who was present during the entire caper.

Don't worry; he's going to be all right, and I will keep you posted about his upcoming trial.

I can hear the defense attorney now: "Your honor, my client has never known the luxurious feel of a thousand-dollar hat, and he felt he deserved to have one."