It started when a court ruled that a "foot-long" Subway sub need not measure 12".
Now, the Ohio Supreme Court has reaffirmed its ruling that said "boneless" chicken wings can have bones.
They ruled earlier that since bones are a natural part of a chicken, chicken eaters (and there are a lot of us!) need to be on guard when munchin' on a bucket o' wings - even a bucket purportedly containing boneless wings.
It all started when one Michael Berkheimer got a bone stuck in his throat while gnawing on a “boneless wing.” Berkheimer tried to sue the restaurant, but this insane ruling prevented him from putting in the papers and having a jury trial..
Berkheimer went back to the court to ask them to reconsider, but the same Republican majority voted him down, 4-3. Justice Patrick Fischer wrote for the majority that Berkheimer’s “straightforward” motion did not identify new points to be addressed. Fischer said he would vote to deny any motion for reconsideration that “merely reargues a case” because if there's one thing judges and lawyers hate to do, it's to fight the same fights over and over and over and over and over again.
This all goes back to 2016, when Berkheimer went to an eatery called Wings on Brookwood and ordered boneless wings. He cut up the wings he was served, and while swallowing one of the morsels, he felt like something went down the wrong pipe.
This was no small deal. He soon ran a fever and was unable to keep food down. Emergency room doctors found a five-centimeter chicken bone lodged in his esophagus. After multiple surgeries, weeks in the hospital and the prolonged use of an oxygen tank, Berkheimer was left with lasting heart and lung damage and a partially paralyzed diaphragm, according to court filings.
He was weeks in the hospital and needed several surgeries, wound up on oxygen. Now he has lasting heart and lung damage and a partially paralyzed diaphragm, according to his suit.
He sued the restaurant owners and the chicken suppliers and processors. A lower court ruled that consumers should expect bone fragments in chicken dishes, and the 12th District Court of Appeals agreed, even though the meat was supposed to be boneless.
If it please the court, and even if it doesn't, I'm going to anger my friends in the legal community and say that I think everyday normal working-class citizens should get to sit in courtrooms and holler, "You must be out of your mind!" when a verdict this stupid is handed down. This would serve the same purpose as a red challenge flag in a football game, i.e. prompting a booth review of a poorly-called play. I'm free most afternoons if the local bar association is ready to seat me.
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