Not Chicago Bears

You know what's really unfair? They won't let bears join the Army, and that's just not right! Bears excel at getting up early in the morning and marching around, and they deserve the chance to join the "Occupation G.I. Blues."

To indicate their interest in enlistment, two bears voluntarily went to a military base in Alaska. OK, that's all good, but they got in trouble by raiding the Krispy Kreme doughnut van that was parked outside a convenience store while making its rounds.

 

Being a military base, Joint Base Elmendorf should be a place where the driver of the donut wagon doesn't have to lock up the van, so last week she hopped out to drop off a couple of dozen for the soldiers at the JMM Express store.

And when she came out, there was a sow and her cub shoving donut holes and assorted pastries down their necks for about 20 minutes. The driver commenced to bang on the outside of the van, which bothered the bears about as much as a whiff of fresh salmon would have.

“I was beating on the van and they're not moving. I could hear them breaking open the packages and everything,” she said. “I was like, 'They don’t even care.'”

Next step: they called base security.  They came down and cranked up their sirens to scare away the hungry beasts. Not surprisingly, they took their sweet old time and then hung around the front of the store for a while before heading back into the woods.

The people who run the store say it's not all that uncommon to see bears come out of the woods in Alaska. The driver has promised to close the doors of the van now, and the base spokesperson, Capt. Lexi Smith, says the authorities up there “are aware of this and other wildlife situations throughout the past several months. We urge the public to use caution to ensure you are protecting our wildlife and yourselves. Wildlife may be our neighbor, but they should not be attracted to our human food sources.” 

There is apparently no truth to the rumor that this is the same bear who showed up at Disney World the other day, although there was a great Hulla Baloo about it.