Thanks a Bunch

Porter Wagoner used to sing about a fictitious Carroll County, where the "biggest thing that happens is the county fair."

Post Office, Needmore PA,17238

That's probably an apt description of Fulton County, Pennsylvania. There are but three counties with fewer people, in a state with 67 counties, and you may be sure that there won't be a big rush among Pennsylvanians to move to Fulton to find housing in the county seat, McConnellsburg. The county took its name from Robert Fulton, inventor of the steamboat, but he was from Lancaster County, so it's a case of borrowed glory. In fact, on a list of the most famous people from each of Pennsylvania's counties, "Steamboat Bob" Fulton is listed under Fulton County, although he wasn't even from there.  The county needs notoriety, but with only 14,585 people dwelling in its 438 square miles, they'll have to keep looking for someone to achieve greatness. Until then, they are dubiously famous for having a town called "Needmore." 

One person who seems unlikely to bring honor to the county is Randy Bunch. Randy H. Bunch, as he is known, is vice-chair of the county commissioners, and he got his bib overalls all in a twist recently because the county library allowed a  proposed new support group for Fulton County’s LGBTQ-plus community to use its public meeting room to hold biweekly meetings.

Mr Bunch took the reasonable step, faced with the audacity of citizens so audacious as to hold their audacious meetings in a room built with public money for the use of citizens, of calling the LGBTQ community a hate group.

Then he blocked extra funding for the county library.

His Honor, Randy

 

The library used to run 4% of their budget on a small county subsidy of $15,000/yr.  The county fathers slashed that in half during the recession, and this year the library folks asked for an additional $3,000 to get them back to pre-crash levels.

According to the Philadelphia Inquirer, Handy Randy says the LGBTQ community is a hate group. In his wisdom, he elaborated:

“If we support them, we have to support Proud Boys and Black Lives Matter.”

The other Republican commissioner, Stuart Ulsh, fell into lockstep with Bunch, and added this bit of sagacity:

“Do we want Muslims moving into our county?”

Ulsh went on to detail a conspiracy theory that says a Muslim man had been arrested on U.S. soil with a 30-year blueprint for taking over America.

(At this point, for the benefit of readers who might not know, it is perfectly legal to be a Muslim in the United States! And as for "taking over America," anyone who wants to take over America can just start with taking Messrs. Bunch and Ulsh over the nearest embankment.)

So these two fine men deny the library $3,000 that might have gone to educate people so unfortunate as to live in their county. After the meeting, Bunch told a reporter,  “I don’t hate anybody. I’m just saying that LGBTQ and any of those organizations make people upset. I personally think none of them need any part in Fulton County. I don’t dislike anybody; I just don’t want something that’s going to create friction between people.”

I have now lived long enough in these United States to state without equivocation that anyone who starts a sentence with "I don't hate anybody" is going to fill out that sentence with a listing of just a few of the people he hates.

But I have also dwelled on these shores long enough to know that people like Bunch and Ulsh generally wind up walking on a figurative rake that they left on their lawn, which smacks them in the face in a most enjoyable manner.

A local woman named Emily Best, who had fond memories of her son enjoying the library as a child, started a GoFundMe page with a goal of getting $12,000 — 4 times what the county turned down! - under the motto  “Don’t let the hateful ideas coming from leadership be the only voices heard in Fulton County!”

By last week, the GoFundMe solicitation had pulled in $14,495, while a companion Facebook request garnered over $9,000.

Library directors plan to use the money to more internet “hot spots,” acquire 3-D printers and sewing machines for public use, and bolster their selection of e-books.

Just think! If Bunch and Ulsh actually read some of the new materials available in Fulton County, they might learn that it's ok to be whatever religion or sexual orientation one wishes to be, but it's not ok to be a censorious, opprobrious rear end.

Boing!!!!