Go Marry Yourself

I'm not claiming to be the hippest dude on the planet, but I am certainly not a backwoods recluse, unfamiliar with the ways and mores of modern society.

So I'm in the middle, somewhere between Jethro Clampett and Elon Musk. But here is something I can't figure out...sologamy.

As in marrying yourself and remaining true to your...self.

It's no surprise that this might have started with a performance artist, those people who long ago figured out how to get people to pay them to watch while they go about their quotidian tasks. (I do laundry at 0630 hrs on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Limited seating is available in my den for those who wish to see me throw dirty clothes in the machine, toss wet clothes in the dryer, and remove them from the dryer for folding. Ticket prices start at $24 and include a cup of tea and a granola bar.)

Gabrielle Penabaz had had her heart broken in 2000, and she thought the only way to get over a broken heart was to heal it by marrying...her self.  She threw herself quite the wedding party.

She got a nice venue, brought flowers and a ring, even a wedding dress, and wrote thoughtful vows to herself.

She found a way to do the "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" routine, and the "something new" was a wedding without a spouse.

Ms Penabaz calls hers "the best wedding ever." And now, for a fee, she will throw you one too.

She reports that men and women alike have taken part.

You can't make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, leave off the jelly (or the nutter butter) and still call it a PBJ. And water without the oxygen molecules is just hydrogen.

I'm no psychiatrist, although people say I should be one (or are they saying I "should SEE one"?) but it seems to me that this is part of the trend called Pay Me More Attention Or Else. I hate to be Captain Buzzkill, but wedding means a joining of two in close association, so unless one is so unfortunate as to have one of those split personality disorders, you really need to find a mate to marry.

That does sound like a line from a Broadway musical, doesn't it?  "You really need to find a mate to marry/ that's the sort of wedding for you/ find a Millie or a Willie, a Harriet or a Harry/ run up to the altar and do the do!"  Just put it to the music of "O Fortuna" and away we go!

I need to go now, and write the rest of the play. And people who think that sologamy is the answer just haven't finished writing theirs yet.