That's not the setup for a joke. It's what happened at the prom for Christopher Columbus High School, a private high school in Miami. It's such a ritzy school that they held the prom at the swank Double Tree by Hilton out by Miami International Airport! Imagine swimming in such elegance, or at least dancing in it.
For reasons I will never understand, the people who run CCHS thought it would be a helluva great idea to have these animals on display as high school kids did the Stank Legg. These children spent 12 years in school in order to be taught as a final lesson that it's ok to put jungle beasts in small cages, drag them into a noisy room and flash bright lights all around them.
And, just as you'd think, after Friday's prom comes Monday's half-fast apology from Principal David Pugh:
"Upon reflection, we regret the decision to have live animals at our prom. This decision in no way reflects the Marist values, teachings of the Catholic Church and/or the accomplishments of our young and that of our distinguished alumni.""Upon reflection" is current American English for "I did not use my brain before, but I sure am using it now!"
I also hope that Pugh never taught anyone how to use words effectively. IKEA assembly manuals are better written than his word salad.
The school just about tripped over itself in putting out a statement that, in effect, said, "Don't look at US! We got these critters from facilities licensed by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission."
"The tiger, which was displayed for a few minutes in a cage, was never harmed or in danger, was not forced to perform, was always accompanied by his handlers, and for the great majority of the time was laying down in a relaxed state, facing away from the audience," the earlier school statement said.
Ron Magill of Zoo Miami doesn't quite agree.
"This tiger's not celebrating. This tiger's not having a party," Magill said to ABC News. "This tiger is being stressed out."
Magill said he "didn't know what they were thinking."
"It's not even walking," Magill said. "It's going back and forth, back and forth; its tail is slashing back and forth; its ears are going into helicopter mode -- all signs of distress."
(I can add that, as someone who is owned by two cats 1/25th the size of these jungle kitties, that tail flying back and forth and perked-up ears mean you are doing something to displease a cat and will soon wish you had not.)
Mari-Chris Castellanos, sister of a guy who goes to the all-boys private school, said on Facebook that the tiger "was used as an exotic amusement for the mindless teenagers who were present."
Arranged by mindless adults and supplied by more of the same.
Listen, I am not the most stalwart of animal advocates, but I am against humiliation and subjugation of any animal, no matter how many legs they have. Dragging a caged animal into a noisy banquet hall is not a good idea, to me.
Letting the tiger out of his cage, now that would make for a great prom.
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