I never will forget Old What's-his-name

I was out surfing the other night, and came across a blog run by a lady named LC Barren.  She had some tips to pass along to aid those of us doddering into our dotage in remembering names.

The only names I need a boost to remember are names of people I've met since, say, 1998. People I met before then are locked in pretty well...like when I see a guy I sat near in Spanish IV working at Taco Bell, I am able to recall his name and say, "Hey! It's Pete Sabowlies!"  Or when I see my dermatologist, I don't have to fumble to come up with his name - Dr. Lance Boyles!

And who could forget the guys I hung around with at Johnny Unitas's Colt Lanes: Sal Hepatica, Bob Alou, and Mayflower VanLines. 

But someone I met last week? Forget it. (No, don't. I already did.) I wind up calling every young person "Chad" and every guy around my age "Robert" because there's a good chance those are right.  But let's see what Ms Barren says will help us remember names!


1. Stop saying that you're bad at names!

This is not good because it dooms you to failure from the get-go, and that's just the message that YOU get out of it. If you tell the person you just met that you won't remember their name ten minutes from now, you might as well tell him or her that they don't mean a tinker's damn to you!

2. As soon as you hear someone say their name, shake their hand, smile, and say it back to them with thoughtful intention. 

Shake that hand, and you can hit the Purell pump later.  For right now, give them the grip 'n' grin, and say their name like they are the first "Kenny" or "Adelaide" you ever met. And nowadays, with so many people having names you never heard of before, this will really help you.

"It's great to meet you, Wilberforce!"

And this is the time to make sure you get the pronunciation correct. There are not many ways to say "Ralph" (Mr Fiennes excluded) but let's say you meet an Irish girl named "Saoirse." This could be a problem if you're at a place where people wear name tags that say "Hi! My name is Saoirse. What's yours?" If you start by guessing, you might go with "Say-oh-Irsay," and that just sounds like hell.  But ask and repeat when she says, "It rhymes with 'inertia.' "

Just make sure that ten minutes later, you don't say, "See ya, Intertia!"

3. Make as many associations in your head with this person's name as you can. Do it quickly. 

You see this trick all over the place in magazine articles for the forgetful.  I was going to tell you about them, but I left the magazine home.

But let's say you meet a man named "Al."  You think of all the other Als you have known and link this guy in with them. Then you think of words that sound like Al (Owl, OW!, alley, Alabama) and lock it in, so that half an hour later, as you leave the party, you can say, "Nice meeting you, Hootie!"

"I am free!"

4. Say their name slowly and intentionally one more time before parting ways. 

This is the last chance you get to commit the name to memory, so you say, "It was very nice to meet you, Wilberforce. It must be fun to work at Grace Bros, eh?"  Then you hope he used to watch "Are You Being Served?" and you go home and watch an episode or two yourself.