A book fine for a fine book

I've been a patron of our excellent Baltimore County Public Library since I was but a "barefoot boy with cheek of tan," but I'll warrant that I have not paid more than a dollar in fines for lateness over the years.  It's part of my OCD to be on time for everything, and returning a book late would send me into a spin that not even a new book by Tom Wolfe could get me out of.

So I don't really know if the library takes "alternative payment methods" in settlement of fines for people returning some John Grisham pageturner three weeks late.

(Free pen name suggestion for aspiring authors: "Paige Turner.")

I have seen people write checks for their late charges, and now and then, someone will pull out their VISA and wave it around, but can you use bitcoins, Paypal, or barter with a bag of zucchini or some baby chicks? This, I don't know, but someone surely does.

I can tell you for sure that if you find yourself in Danvers, Massachusetts, and you are bringing back a Rick Warren self-help help book that you helped yourself to a month and a half ago, you cannot pay the fee with Chuck E. Cheese tokens.

That's right. The Associate Press reports that Peabody Institute Library in Danvers, Massachusetts, wrote on Facebook about how they have had a lot of people trying to settle their fines with game tokens from Chuck E. Cheese and Bonkers— another amusement house in Peabody.

Bookkeeper Sue Kontos told The Salem News that she was balancing the till one day recently and found that someone had slipped three Chuck E. Cheeses dealies in there as if they were real currency.

The library would have you to know that "tokens are not legal tender and cannot be accepted."

They also remind slow readers that they can't accept Canadian money either.

This is in Danvers, remember, which was once known as Salem, where wiccans were once put on trial, so I would not try any clever tricks with these people.  They might invite you in for a sandwitch.