Once around the field, and then right off to a nice cold cell

OK, it was a bit over the line for Adam Jones, the Orioles center fielder and de facto team captain, to say that he wished a fan who had run onto the field at an O's game had shattered his femur instead of simply breaking his ankle in the effort, but I have to agree in theory with what he said to ESPN the other night. People pay to watch a ballgame, and they do not pay to see drunked-up ne'er-do-wells prancing around the field.

Adam wishes the drunken fool a
nice time at Riker's Island

The Tuesday afternoon game between the Orioles and the Yankees had to be interrupted for these shenanigans.  (Note, there is never just one "shenanigan;" it's always plural!) Afterward, Jones told ESPN, "You look like a [idiot] when you run on the field. We don't go to any other events. We don't go to other sporting events and do that to their jobs, but they come to ours and do that. I get it, you're drunk and you want to be on "SportsCenter." Your [butt] is going to jail with a fine, and you might not be allowed to come back to the ballpark."

Hmmm.  Imagine not being able to go to Yankee Stadium ever again.  Hmmm.

I was at the Colts game in December, 1971, when a fan ran onto the field and tried to run off with the ball.  After linebacker Mike Curtis shivered his timbers with a forearm to the solar plexus, the drunk ran off with naught but pain, leaving the ball and his dignity out there on the field.

Part of the problem is that some fans reinforce this misbehavior by cheering and yapping in approval, leading fools with more beer than brains in them to decide to jump the railing and head for center field (or the distant goal line). And people being as they are, a certain contingent among us  yearns for attention, no matter how it's obtained, no matter how negative it is.  This is why they do it.

Of course, if you're Adam Jones, this is your workplace, and just as Chief Justice John "Bob Johnson" Roberts does not allow drunks to run screaming through the Supreme Courtroom, nor should Adam have to put up with the same.  Add to this the very real fear that some crackpot is going to show up at the ballpark with a weapon of some sort, and you can appreciate Jones's apprehension.


Speaking of apprehension, the cops always get these guys.  It's a crime with a 100% clearance rate, so you'd have better luck sticking up a bank or something.

Book him, Danno.