Volume 1, Number 1

Starting a new magazine is always a risky proposition.  Especially now, since fewer and fewer people read printed material anymore.

Be honest and tell me the last time you stopped by a newsstand for more Chiclets and a man in a trench coat ran up to the counter, flinging quarters and nickels, and hollering, "Gimme the current "O the Oprah Magazine, and hurry!"  It's been quite a while, as whiles go.

But rightwing hearts across the Babble Belt were gladdened this past winter, and not only because high school tough guy Willard "Mitt" Romney soared from the bottom of the pile to win the coveted GOP presidential nod, which is a good as a wink. No, there was something else to cheer: the online and in-print arrival of a new publication...stand by for catchy title..."The Conservative Teen Magazine."

You can read all about what happened to the magazine right here on the internet, because you can't read the magazine anymore, either in the print version or online.  It was the biggest flop since Kate Gosselin wrote that book about good family planning and how to keep a family harmonious.

Looking at the articles, you see it was the standard conservative fare:  the mandatory piece stating that Ronald W. Reagan was pretty much the best person ever to walk the face of the earth (written by his son, in a neat twist), an article warning today's youth that the big mainstream media outlets are as chock-full of liberal bias as an egg roll with cabbage, and one that explained that the TV show "Glee" is dangerously liberal.

And here's why that is:  Katie Couric appeared on the show in some sort of small role.  In her office when she worked at CBS there was a picture of Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood. Ergo, Katie is a liberal and everything she touches is therefore tainted with liberalism.

I'm sorry this magazine didn't make it, because ever since National Lampoon went under, I have been on the lookout for bigtime laffs in my mailbox.  But the people behind it, whoever they were, missed their bet because they forgot one basic thing about teenagers. For the most part, they don't care about Ron Paul and Willard "M" Romney and such.  They care about themselves and the other teenagers they know, and they don't really have time to worry about Margaret Sanger, with the prom coming up and all.