Hello? Who's This?

The Orioles played the formerly lifeless and now quite competitive Washington Senators Nationals this week and barely fought them to a draw, one win each. However, seeing Nats manager Dave Martinez in their dugout reminded me of this story from 2021.

As reported in the Washington POST, a woman was talking to her husband on the phone while he was at the stadium waiting for a rain delay to end, or the game to start, or for the game to be suspended, or whatever. He was sitting all damp in the ballpark without a word as to what was happening, so she called his wife, who was NOT at the ballpark, for the latest on what was happening...at the ballpark.

She called the ticket office but the call died after one ring. She called back and an answering machine asked her whom she wanted to speak with. She said "The general management office," and after a couple of rings, a man's voice answered, saying, "Hello?" as if that were a question.

“Can I speak to a representative of the Washington Nationals?” she responded.

“You are speaking to a representative of the Washington Nationals,” came the reply. So the lady asked for some idea about the game's status, and the man told her it would "almost certainly be suspended." 

"What about our tickets? Do we get rain checks?" was her next question, and the man's next answer was that he had no idea. He asked her name, and she said she was Mrs Crowl.

“Ms. Crowl, this is Dave Martinez,” said the Nationals’ manager. And he took her contact info and promised her tickets to a future game and left her with a story that she can still tell, three years later.

So who knows? Call the White House, call Toyota Motor Sales, call MGM Movie studios and ask for the person in charge.

You never know. 

 

 

Bulletheads

As the world watches, four Americans are waiting to see what happens to the ammunition offenses they are charged with in the luxury getaway so nice they had to name it twice: Turks and Caicos.

The Turks and Caicos Islands Government reminds one and all that carrying firearms and/or ammunition into the British Overseas Territory is strictly forbidden.

The four Americans are: Michael Lee Evans, 72; Bryan Hagerich (no age listed); Tyler Scott Wenrich, 31; and Ryan Tyler Watson, 40.

They all face a minimum of 12 years in a really tropical prison, so they have that going for that. No Gulag Archipelago for these fools, no sir!

Luxurious accommodations for gun and ammo toters!

And of course, you turn on the news in America and you see the wives and children, so sad that Dad might not be home anytime soon.

You also turn on the news in America and see a veritable bloodbath of Americans being killed and wounded by guns. So it's not hard to blame the people of Turks and/or Caicos for objecting to their island paradise becoming a shooting gallery like most of America. They have passed laws to make sure that doesn't happen. 

Americans are people who see laws as only applying to other people. Messrs. Evans, Hagerich, Wenrich, and Watson are just now learning that sometimes, the law is the law. 

Just like your fourth grade teacher told you when you got caught violating a playground rule and were punished for it, this will serve as an example to the others who just can't feel strong with their weapons to cling to. 

You can bet that wives all over America are double-checking the family luggage now before taking off on the wings of man to T&C. Someone has to be smart about it.

Salty

I always endeavor to bring you a complete look at the big old world around us. Therefore, even though I was unable to make it to this year's Met Gala big doin's up in Manhattan due to dual lacks (invitation and interest), I want you to know that Jessica Biel was there, making her first appearance on the "Met Gala steps" since 2013.

You remember Jessica, 42, from her many TV and movie roles, and she is married to Justin Timberlake (but he was not there. It's not like he forgot to show up, but  he is touring Europe on his Forget Tomorrow tour this week.)

 This year's theme at the Gala was “Sleeping Beauties: Reawakening Fashion.” Now, to me, that sounds like when Montgomery Ward had their annual Salute To Sleepware sale back in the day, but this Gala was to exhibit 250 items from 400 years of fashion, which peaked with an 1877 Charles Frederick Worth silk satin ball gown. 

That's a good question: What is Charles Frederick Worth?

And because I also promise to promote healthy living by passing along Advice From Rich And Famous Hollywood Stars, I can now share that Ms Biel has told the world that she prepared for her big night on the red carpet by soaking in 20 lbs. of epsom salt in hot water the night before.

"With water as hot as you can take it, [have] a 30-minute soak the night before," she explained. "[Then] drink tons of water, and off to bed early."

She does look well-rested

All that water is to make sure she gets up early in the morning to wash off all the epsom salt residue.

Aren't you glad you're you?

For 14 bucks, I'll take two pairs!

One of the key principles in commerce has always been "caveat emptor," which means "Be careful or these stores will rob you blind" in Latin.  More specifically, it means "let the buyer beware."  

You might also say, "let the buyer be aware," because if the corporations make a mistake, and you're aware of it, you might be in a position to profit from their boo-boo.

Cartier - the classy jeweler - put the wrong price on a pair of gold-and-diamond earrings, and Mexico's federal consumer protection agency wound up getting involved, and after further review, they ruled in favor of the consumer they are sworn to protect. Good for them.

Dr Rogelio Villarreal, a Mexican physician, was browsing on Instagram when a low low price on earrings caught his eyes. The ad was supposed to say that the ear danglers cost 237,000 pesos (more than $14,000), but the ad said they could be yours for 237 pesos (about $14). Cartier left off three zeros by mistake.

When Dr V saw this low price, he says he broke out in a cold sweat. But his sweaty index finger clicked on the sale price to buy the bargain, and then the fireworks started.

Cartier said, no deal, but they tried to smooth everything over with a bottle of champagne and a leather cardholder someone had sitting around  as a way of apologizing. Doc V said no thanks, and took the matter up with the consumer protection people.

And when someone asked Dr Villareal why he continued to press his point, he said Cartier ticked him off, by first saying they had to cancel his order because the earrings were mispriced by accident, and then they changed to the tune called "We can't fulfill your order because the earrings are out of stock." 

But Cartier eventually gave in, faced with a PR nightmare, and sold the good doctor two pairs of the bargain earrings - a pair for himself and one for his mother.

 The doc posted this picture on April 22: "War is over. Cartier gave in."

Interesting to read that Mexican Senator Lilly Téllez, who seems to be courting the big business votes over those of the Average José and Josefina, posted on X that she didn't think he should have taken advantage of the mistake.  

"Kids: What the buyer of the Cartier earrings did is not correct," Senator Téllez tweeted. "It's wrong to be opportunistic and take advantage of a mistake at the expense of someone else, and abuse the law, even if it's in your favor, and outwit a business. It is more important to be honorable than to have a pair of Cartier earrings."

Dr  Villarreal says his bottom line is that "this case helps make Mexican people aware of their basic rights, including those protected by consumer law."

Caveat venditor! Let the seller beware! 

 

A little dab'll do ya

You'll know how old this story is when I tell you it took place in Eleuthera, in the Bahamas, after Peggy won a trip to Club Med on that lovely isle when White Marsh Mall opened. Since our vacation in 1982, that Club Med was wiped out by a hurricane, White Marsh Mall is a virtual ghost town soon to become apartments and I don't know what-all else, and life keeps changing.

But some things don't. We happened to be taking a walk in the little town of Eleuthera, and one of the people at the resort was saying she had gotten a little too much sun the day before. A lady who was sitting in front of her house said, "Oh miss, come here, I can help!" and she broke off an aloe leaf for the woman to apply the goo to her burns. And it helped! 

We had heard of aloe, but did not know people grew it in their yards, but we found out something. The natural cures like that beat the patent medicines (with names like "BurnNoMor" and "Chill Factory") all to hell, because they are simple, and they work.

Don't believe me, ask Rakus.

Rakus is an orangutan (known in Baltimore as an "orangutang") who lives in the Suaq Balimbing research site, a rainforest in Indonesia. He had a wound on his cheek from a fight (known in Baltimore as a "scrap, fade, bangin' out!, throwing hands, or tightening up"), and he treated the wound with medicine from a tropical plant. 

Some animals are known to treat their boo-boos and illnesses with their own remedies straight out of nature. In this case, Rakus was seen plucking and chewing leaves from a plant that local humans use as a medication. Then he used his fingers to spread the plant juice from his mouth onto the sore.

AND THEN he made sort of a Band-Aid out of the chewed pulp and covered the wound.  And it healed in a few days!

“This is the first time that we have observed a wild animal applying a quite potent medicinal plant directly to a wound,” said Isabelle Laumer, a biologist at the Max Planck Institute of Animal Behavior in Konstanz, Germany.

Within a month, the sore spot was completely healed. 

All better, two months later!

We're still learning about self-cures and home remedies, but you'll notice that Rakus, without access to the internet and podcasts by Gwyneth Paltrow, figured out how to heal himself. Maybe that's a sign to listen to nature! 

 

Sunday Rerun (from 2022): As Josh Hawley would say, "You can run, but you can't hide."

 I wonder how a person can commit a crime in 1975 and walk around until 2022 without being arrested. How does it feel? Do you look over your left shoulder all the time? Do you panic whenever the phone rings or someone knocks at the door? 

And is it almost a relief when that knock comes from someone with handcuffs on their belt and an arrest warrant in their hand? I have to wonder.

I'm not saying this guy is guilty, y'unnerstand, but Lancaster County Police up in Pennsylvania do, so let's see how the trial comes out.  And to think, it was a coffee cup that might have sealed his fate.

Last Sunday, Lancaster County arrested David Sinopoli, 68, and charged him in the 1975 killing of Lindy Sue Biechler. Mrs Biechler was murdered - stabbed to death - at age 19 in the apartment in Lancaster she shared with her husband.

This was a cold case for years, but only because detectives had run down every lead. Never did they give up on solving it, but advanced DNA and genealogy research made Sinopoli became the prime suspect.

"This case was solved with the use of DNA and specifically DNA genealogy and quite honestly without that, I don't know that we would have ever solved it," Lancaster County District Attorney Heather Adams said at news conference.

Sinopoli and Biechler

It was December 5, 1975, when Biechler's aunt and uncle stopped by her apartment in the Spring Manor Apartments in Manor Township to exchange Christmas cookie recipes, and found what Ms Adams described as a horrific scene. The victim was stabbed 19 times. There were defensive wounds, and DNA evidence was gathered, although it would be another ten years before DNA testing became a part of crime detection.

An organization called Parabon NanoLabs solved another cold case, so investigators asked if they could use the evidence from the Biechler case.

Interestingly, that DNA led Parabon to look for people with ancestry around the Gasperina section of Italy. Parabon investigator CeCe Moore found 2,300 people with Italian ancestry in Lancaster County in late 1975.

Examining public records, old newspaper archives, and more, Moore winnowed down the list of candidates, leading her to point to Sinopoli as the lead suspect. Sinopoli had never been thought of as a possible suspect before.

Detectives went to work. They found that Sinopoli had lived in the same apartment complex at the time of the murder.

And he was still living in the area. Police needed a DNA sample to clinch their case, and got one while doing surveillance on him. They followed him to the Philadelphia airport and snagged a coffee cup that he tossed away.

As Lennie Briscoe would have said on "Law & Order," he should have switched to decaf...and taken the cup. DNA match. Bonk bonk.

"This has been a never-ending pursuit of justice for Lindy Sue Biechler that has led us to identifying and arresting David Sinopoli," Adams said. "Lindy Sue Biechler was on the minds of many throughout the years. Certainly law enforcement has never forgotten about her. And this arrest marks the first step in obtaining justice for Lindy Sue Biechler and holding her killer responsible."

Sinopoli is being held without bail on one count of criminal homicide.

The Saturday Picture Show, May 4, 2024

 

This might be someone's idea of a clever image, but to a lover of phonograph records, seeing them ruined forever by the introduction of heat or sunlight is a stab in the heart. One of these might have brought someone happiness, and now that happiness is sacrificed, and for what?

This goat got lucky. It was brought to this tiger to serve as the tiger's...dinner. But felines will do what they will, and this goat wound up as the tiger's...friend.

“Groovy, baby!” Austin Powers himself, Mike Myers, is back after a year out of the limelight. I see he joined the Silver Club. "Oh, behave!"

I need this giant bureau just for my t-shirts, socks, and shorts. It might be hard to sneak it into the bedroom, though.

Another one from the animal files...this bear and wolf teamed up and roamed and hunted together for ten days. I don't know who followed them around; I'll take their word for it!

Tom Brown is a retired engineer who has kept almost 1000 varieties of apples thriving, some of which were almost lost to agro-evolution. If he's in charge of Cosmic Crisp, he gets a big hand from me! Sweet, tangy, and snappy, yes sir!

My current Show I Should Have Watched 25 years Ago But Didn't So I'm Streaming It Now...Gilmore Girls. I'm just a small-town angst-ridden teen inside.

No one was surprised that Fred and Barney enjoyed the guitar stylings of Keith Richards long ago in Bedrock. I just didn't know they had color TV way back then.

This just does not sit right with me. You want others to stand up, you go first!

You can buy a buffalo with a lot of buffalo bills!

Roger Miller, master songwriter, composed "You Can't Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd, " but Miller, the pride of Erick, Oklahoma, never met this fool who...went to Yellowstone National Park and kicked a bison in the leg. 

OF COURSE the 40-year-old buffalo botherer was drunk. He received minor injuries and wound up in jail for being under the influence of alcohol, disorderly conduct, and approaching and disturbing wildlife.

You're not supposed to do that. You know that, which is why you're not at Jellystone being arrested by Ranger Smith right now, but hot-a-mighty, what is wrong with people that they just can't stop being the south end of northbound horses?

This galoot's friend was driving him around the park, and he got pinched for  driving under the influence, failing to yield to a police car, and disturbing wildlife.

They're both the twin prides of Idaho Falls, Idaho. Isn't that the state where a lot of these fact-denying misfits have settled?

Bison, which are different from buffalos because they have a different name (same as alligators and crocodiles) are some big huggers. Males can run up to 2,000 pounds, and speaking of running, they sprint at 40 mph, which is faster than you and I, trust me. They are the biggest land mammals in North America, and no one can stop them from going swimming, so don't even try.

Best advice - go to the park, enjoy the sights, stay sober, and don't bother the wildlife. It never ends well.

 

Speaking of....

I love the English language - always have! - and I think it's fairly easy to use it correctly. One great piece of advice - similar to not trying a car with a manual transmission unless you've been taught to drive a stick - is not to use words unless you are sure of their meanings. I read everything I could find that Truman Capote and William G. Buckley wrote, not that I agreed on a single thing with the ultraconservative Buckley, but he and Capote were both masters of the word.

How many times have we seen a post about a certain sauce that really "compliments" the veal it's served upon? 

The letter writer who eulogized Natalie Wood as the "penultimate" lady in the Baltimore SUN after her death surely thought that he was singing her praises above the ultimate level.

He might have written that letter on very nice stationery he got as a gift, but he had to be careful not to call his paper and envelopes "stationary."

CNN's Laura Coates made the list recently when she covered the story of the unfortunate soul who committed an act of self-immolation outside a courthouse in Manhattan. If only she hadn't said, "We have a man who has set fire to himself, a man has emblazoned himself outside of the courthouse just now." To emblazon is to attach a design onto something. Nothing to do with setting anything ablaze.

Maybe that's what she was thinking of! And she was speaking live at a frenetic event, so I'll give her a pass this time.

But none for Lawrence Leamer, the writer who so thoroughly researched the relationships among Truman Capote and his "swans," the socialites who formed his support squad for so many years. He should have had a proofreader/editor dive thoroughly into his book "Capote's Women," in which he a) refers to someone's words as "mordent" (a musical term) when he meant "mordant," and b) said that Capote was a "vociferous" reader. With his meek voice, Capote would not have been vehement and loud while reading. Leamer meant voracious, and someone should have told him so....vociferously.

110

Victor Dransfield drives his car every day, and lives independently in the New Jersey house he's called home since 1945. He stops for coffee and takeout meals every day. He takes care of everything around the house alone; the only help he needs is, his grandchildren bring him his groceries once a week.

He even scoots up and down the stairs to the main floor, the bedroom upstairs, and the basement laundry room, no problem. 

Did I mention he is 110 years old???

He had to have an endoscopy recently for a problem with swallowing. That was only the second time in his life he had anesthesia. His granddaughter, 49, says she has more medical problems than Grandpa has.

Odds are, if you are over 100, you are female. Only 15% of centenarians are male. No one knows why. Make it to 110, as did Victor, and 90% of your group is female.

Victor was the fire chief in his town (he's still a member of the company!) and his advice for those who want to cross the century mark is to spend time doing what you love.

I can check that one off.

His other tip? Drink Ovaltine every day!

I just added that to the shopping list. 

"Knowing people and loving people makes me live longer," says Mr. Dransfield.

 

Doggone her

Longtime listeners of the Casey Kasem countdown show were treated to a leaked tape years ago, and that tape contained a profane outburst outtake from the normally cool DJ. While recording his American Top 40, he was supposed to do a dedication to a family that had just lost their little dog "Snuggles." But because his producer had him going from that lugubrious subject right into a Pointer Sisters record ("a tune that is....UPTEMPO!") Casey hollered and threw a tantrum, which was probably resolved by handing him a basket full of money. (Note: the tape is NSFW, and also funny as hell.)

Well, now we know that South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem threw herself a mighty fit too when a dog named "Cricket" that she failed to train also failed to behave in a Noemish way. So, what do we do when a dog acts up?

1. Hire a professional trainer to do the job right.
2. Get mad and get over it.
3. Shoot the dog and a misbehaving goat for good measure.

As we all know, dear Kristi chose option 3, and has now written a book about it, thereby adding one more to the list of how many books she has written vs. how many she has read. She is a horrible person, and yet, lots of other horrible people wouldn't be that horrible as to shoot any animal 14 months of age.

Noem, right, with unidentified minor political curiosity. 

Even in a God-forsaken place like S. Dakota, there have to be shelters and other places that would have taken in the dog.  As Colleen O'Brien, the senior vice president of media relations at PETA, said, “Most Americans love their dogs, and we suspect that they’ll consider Gov. Noem a psychotic loony for letting this rambunctious puppy loose on chickens and then punishing her by deciding to personally blow her brains out rather than attempting to train her or find a more responsible guardian who could provide her with a proper home. Noem obviously fails to understand the vital political concepts of education, cooperation, compromise, and compassion.”

There are so many things she could have done, but Noem, who recently was sued over having some sort of cosmetic dental work done in exchanged for making a video showing off her redone choppers, has always done things her way. As did Hitler, Jeffrey Dahmer, Pol Pot, and other murderers. Maybe she did it because she realizes she is nowhere near up to the vice-presidential slot she so desires, but as noted actor Mark Hamill from "The Big Bang Theory" says, “Despising animal cruelty should be bipartisan.” 

So we can all despise Kristi. And I hope her sleep is interrupted night after night by the howling of animals acting on Cricket's behalf.

Jam Up and Jelly Tight

If you're like me, you like the store-brand sugar-free Raspberry Jam, so all this commotion over  Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, and Buckingham Palace  and their competing breakfast spreads means nada.

But the Megster is out with her own line of jams from her "lifestyle brand", called  American Riviera Orchard. The Buckinghams thought that was Kind Of A Drag and are advertising their own line of spreads. As the anxious world quakes and waits, we shall see if the jelly war spreads.

Apparently, the Royal Family has sold jelly from its Buckingham Palace Shop since Henry VIII or something (his pitch line: "You'll lose your head over my strawberry spread!") In their dignified way, they released a video touting the goodness of their line. “Our Strawberry Preserve is made using only the finest berries and is delicious served in a variety of ways,” claimeth the Kingsmen.

And then, along came the delightful Chrissy Teigen, with a video about how great the products from the American Riviera Orchard are. 

Surely, all Royal watchers remember the cultural peak we all attained when  Teigen and Meghan were "briefcase girls" on “Deal or No Deal.”

Chrissy burbled, “This might be one of the best bites we’ve had all year,” as she showed her jam being applied to some rustic bread, along with crème brie and bacon. This tantalizing taste treat “made us happy for the entire weekend,” she burbled on.

It was 2020 when Meghan and Prince Harry said they were playing a royal flush, and stepping away from the pomp and circumstance. This orchard is just one facet of what will seem to be an endless display of Harry and Meghan's wares. They've also filed for a trademark application to deal in “tableware, drinkware including decanters, kitchen linens and edible treats such as jellies, jams, marmalade and spreads” and potentially cookbooks.

I'm glad that they specified their drinkware line will include decanters. I was afraid we'd be stuck guzzling our Donald Duck frozen lemonade out of that nice decanter the hospital gave me as a parting gift.

 

Sunday Rerun: Off on a Jag

 We're always hearing about how intelligent people are if we just give them a chance to show it.

So, how about the little scene that took place in Wildlife World Zoo in Arizona, where a woman (unidentified and unintelligent) climbed over a barrier?

Now, had this been a barrier, that velvet rope thing at the movies, or the stretch canvas ribbon that forms near orderly lines at the bank so that we all have a chance to wait for 20 mins. while Honolulu O' Hoolihan searches her purse for her ID, or even the barrier that lets you hop on the subway, it would have been improper, or dumb, or several other things, but this one was the El Supremo of dumb barrier jumping.

Because the mystery woman jumped a barrier to take a selfie. With a jaguar.

Shawn Gilleland, a spokesman for the Rural Metro Fire Department, told The Washington Post that fire crews reported that a woman in her 30s climbed over a barrier at the zoo Saturday to get closer to the jaguar’s enclosure so that she could get a picture.   I guess posing with another living being makes the picture a dualie, but anyhow, the big cat reached out its paw, lacerating her arm, as jaguars will.

Her injuries are not life-threatening, although her foolishness may well turn out to be.

Wildlife World Zoo officials put out a statement saying the attack (more like a "predictable, justified response") is under investigation. They do point out that the animal was not outside her enclosure at any time. “Please understand why barriers are put in place,” officials tweeted, in the same way we might remind an adult not to stick their fork in an electric outlet. “Sending prayers to the family tonight.”

Adam Wilkerson went to the zoo on Saturday, never expecting a scene like this:

“My mom runs up and takes her water bottle and shoves it through the cage near where the jaguar is, and the jaguar goes to let go of the girl to take the water bottle, and the claw just catches this girl’s sweater. So at that point, I see that it’s no longer attached to the girl’s actual arm, only on her sweater, so I grab the girl on her torso, and I pull her back.”

Wilkerson said the woman was “lying on the ground, screaming in agony.”

Kitty (!) Block is the president of the Humane Society of the United States. She responded by urging zoos to “set a higher standard to protect people and to respect wildlife from a safe distance.”

Official police sketch of jaguar as described by the victim

“People get the mistaken idea that wild animals are approachable,” Ms Block said in a statement. “Throw in a healthy dose of poor judgement, and incidents like this are bound to happen.”

I'd have to remind her that when it comes to humans who want to do something for themselves, there is no "higher standard" available.  People would ford the Mississippi River if they thought they could get a photo of themselves with some crocodile on the bank across the way.

What's more, with about 37 cable channels showing us cute animal documentaries 24 hours a day, people are more and more charmed by critters that should scare the camera right back into their pocket. Just put some veterinarian in a jungle jacket, and put him or her on television, and there ya go.

But go carefully!

The Saturday Picture Show, April 27, 2024

All right, you Kyles, you know what you have to do. And then grab your friend Katy and head on down to Katy, Texas!

Here in Baltimore, we remember when Luke was an assistant coach with Towson University, and his dad came to a game also attended by Barack and Michelle Obama (her brother coached the other team). That might have been the only time in his recent life that Bill Murray was the third-most-famous person in a room.

This is something 911 operators learn quickly. There are a dozen other ways to help in a frenzied situation, all of them better.

You own a lavender farm. OF COURSE you paint your chair to match!

No, they don't have Big Boy restaurants in the middle of farm fields in Wyoming, but BB himself is there to say hi just the same!

You've never seen a molting cardinal before? You can never say that again!

This is no way to treat a valuable asset, or a rifle.

Thank you to the great Robert Benchley, whose friends David Niven and Douglas Fairbanks, Sr, once arranged for him a European vacation. First they heard from him was a cablegram from Venice reading "STREETS FULL OF WATER.  ADVISE."

We learned that a zoo in Japan has admitted to an error in having referred to the hippopotamus above as a male, whereas it has now been shown to be female. The reason given is that the staff became suspicious the hippo was not displaying male behavior characteristics. I'm not saying another word.

"I'm not expecting to grow flowers in a desert. But I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime." ("In a Big Country," by Big Country, 1984.)  This is a lovely desert flower in Utah.

 

Reach Out and Touch Someone

One thing I both liked and disliked about work was that there was structure. One had to be at work on time, dressed appropriately, and carry out the duties of one's assigned position. 

The bad part was having to be somewhere at some arbitrary time, having to dress in more than sweats and a T-shirt, and having to get things done.

Retirement means setting one's own schedule, although I am still an early riser (0505 hours, 7 days a week) because I like getting a jump on the day, and Eddie would just jump on my head if I was still slumbering at 0506.

I should point out to new readers that Eddie is a cat, ten years of age, and set in her ways.

One thing we absolutely will not do is spoil Eddie.

So anyway, being not at work beats being at work. One thing I do miss is seeing friends and co-workers and co-workers who are also friends on a regular basis. Caught up in the daily whirl of working the Jumble, watching the morning news, streaming Gilmore Girls, listening to Keith Olbermann's podcast, having an apple for lunch, it's easy to say, "Oh, I was gonna call so-and-so just to check in, but maybe tomorrow...there's an article about cheese imports I've been wanting to read. 

And that's a good way to have a bad thing, feeling out of the loop. 

So the other day when one of those things that I just had to share with someone from work happened, I picked up the phone and called a friend! And spoke to a friend in live words, not in Instapictures or Facialbook works. It was fun! We nattered on, laughing over memories, passing along new thoughts, having the best time. 

All I want to say is, if you want to feel like you're still in the loop, pick up a phone and get looped in. You'll feel like you never left!

In His Cups

You will recall that several years ago, our nation was riven into two factions: those who agree that a Foot-long Subway sub should measure 12", and those who said that you don't need to measure your lunch, so shut up, already,

And now, from Deep In The Heart Of, a Texas movie-goer is suing the Cinemark movie chain, saying they cheat you on your drinks.

This is currently tying up the federal court in Sherman, Texas.

Outraged consumer Shane Waldrop filed the papers. He paid for a "24 ounce" tub o' suds at the fabulous Cinemark Tinseltown theater in Grapevine, TX. He paid $9.53 (I guess they still take American money in Texas, at least until they make good on their threat to secede) for a draft beer.

Having guzzled same, he took the container outside and measured its capacity at just 22 ozs. Waldrop is claiming he has been "financially injured" by this setback. No word on if or how he might be able to recover. 

His landmark lawsuit claims violations of Texas's Deceptive Trade Practices Act, negligent misrepresentation, common law fraud, and unjust enrichment.

He wants:

• compensatory damages 
• Cinemark to repackage its 24-ounce drinks "with the proper amount of advertised liquid"
• a jury trial  
• "one of them really shiny belt buckles" and a T-shirt that says "I handled the 24 ouncer!"

All right, I made the last one up.

But I think the takeaway here is that you can drink draft beer in the movies in Texas.  Be glad for that, Tex.

I wonder if he'll say he's like Nelson Mandela

 Andrew Wilhoite, 41, an exemplary citizen from out of Lebanon, Boone County, Indiana, is so public-spirited that he ran for, and won, a primary election for a seat on his township board.

You can't beat a prison mugshot.

His candidacy has been made all the more noteworthy in that last week, he was found guilty of voluntary manslaughter for killing his wife by striking her with a flowerpot days after she filed for divorce in 2022.

She had just recently finished chemotherapy treatment for cancer.

Police looked his way when 41-year-old Elizabeth “Nikki” Wilhoite did not come to work one day, and Andrew admitted to them he killed her during an argument, then dumped her body in a creek near her home.

Meanwhile, the wheel of politics continued apace in Indiana, and out of 276 total votes for Republicans,  Andrew received 60 of them. 

Only three candidates were in the running for three slots on the Clinton Township Board.  

Andrew was a lock to get on the board, and now, when he is sentenced on June 4, he'll find out that he's locked up for 10 to 30 years in the stony lonesome.

No word on whether he will be sworn in to the board when he's released. 

I'm sure it was a witch hunt.

 

Money Talks

 

Several things are true at once about basketball, among them:

• The rise in popularity of Caitlin Clark, soon to be a rookie in the WNBA with Indianapolis, has contributed mightily to the rise in popularity of women's basketball.
• Even non-basketball fans follow and support Caitlin, the #1 draft pick in the women's league, while most non-fans could not tell you the name of last year's top pick in the male league (Victor Wembanyama)
• Wembanyama made $12.16 million for his first year, while Clark will make $76,535 for her rookie season.

Forbes magazine, the bible of capitalism, is asking, "Can Caitlin Clark fix the WNBA and NBA pay gap?"

That's asking a lot from one person.  As Kareem Abdul-Jabbar points out, the NBA is a $10 billion business with teams playing 82 games per year.  The WNBA teams play 40 times, and the league itself rolls in $200 million worth of hard-earned fan dollars.

And the women are working under a contract that allows them to carve out just 10% of that pie, whereas the men slice 40% out of their league's much bigger pie. The women's contract is not up for renewal until next year.

You could look it up - baseball players and football players did not make the huge salaries everyone envies these days. People love to say that yesterday's heroes were much better than today's players, well, you had to be among your sport's immortals to crack $100,000 in the 1960s. 

The Baltimore Orioles' greatest pitcher ever was our beloved Jim "Pancakes" Palmer, who, as a 20-year old, won Game Two of the 1966 World Series, shutting out the heavily-favored Los Angeles Dodgers. 

Palmer earned $7,500 that year and spent the offseason selling suits to men at Hamburger's Clothing downtown - he needed the extra $150 a week "to pay for groceries, hot water and electricity.”

As the 70s dawned, it dawned on a labor lawyer named Marvin Miller that the baseball clubs were raking in astronomical amounts of money and saving most of it for themselves, while putting on the old poor mouth and feigning poverty. Miller got the owners to have to open their books and show their profit-and-loss statements, and the next thing you know, the Lords of Baseball had to split their Golden Egg omelet more fairly.

The WNBA players are going to generate a lot of money. They play a much more entertaining and watchable game, to my mind. That will translate to ticket, TV, and cable revenues, and if they find the Marvin Miller of the 2020s, these tall women won't be playing for short money soon.

 

"Judgment is merciless to one who has not shown mercy"

If you saw the docudramaseries (See? Anyone can make their own homemade portmanteau*!) "We Own This City," you remember the rampant crime family that terrorized the city of Baltimore for several years. City police were reluctant to do anything about these marauders because...the marauders were themselves city police.

And, remember, this was a true story, not something made up in Hollywood. The leader of the syndicate that operated as the "Gun Trace Task Force" was a preening strutter named Sgt. Wayne Jenkins, whose main goal was amassing a huge fortune by stuffing the steel cans buried in his backyard with stolen money. Jenkins, now known as "#62928-037," is a guest at a federal prison in Kentucky But another officer in the motley crew, Daniel Hersl, was regarded as the nastiest of the nasty, a boy who came up from the rough streets of East Baltimore, donning blue and brutalizing his former neighbors to an extent that even surprised his fellow cops. 

When the merciless beg for some mercy.

Hersl is serving an 18-year federal prison sentence, and last year, he was given the worst news: terminal cancer is killing him. So last fall, he asked a judge if he could be excused from prison because he wanted to spend time with his young son before death takes him away.

The judge turned him down.

So now, back comes Hersl. He says he wants to take responsibility and apologize for what he did on the streets and courtrooms. Remember, these rogues went down for racketeering (for stealing money from people), lying to investigators, filing false paperwork and making fraudulent overtime claims.

Federal court records show an email Hersl sent to his attorney containing these words:   

  "This horrible disease has allowed me to do some soul searching, and I believe that, at this point in my life, it is time to do what is best for me and so many others that the GTTF may have affected. I'm truly sorry for the way myself and others that I worked with acted and treated others during our time as police officers ... I know it has been over seven years since the GTTF scandal occurred, and, to my knowledge, I have still not heard anyone apologize to the public or to the justice system for our actions."

So he decides to be the bigger man, saying, "I accept full responsibility for my conduct."

The time to accept full responsibility for his actions was the day he pinned on the badge he soon disgraced. Today, he is accepting the results of his failure to do so.

* a portmanteau is a term for a new word created by fusing two old ones, such as "breathalyzer" (breath analyzer) or "fortnight" (two weeks of fourteen nights).  Originally, a portmanteau was a French suitcase that opens into two parts.

Sunday Rerun: He's Finnished

 Let's turn to the News From All Over The World:  The deputy mayor of the capital of Finland is in a legal jam. People want him to  pay compensation for damages and to quit his deputy mayorship, because he was caught spray-painting graffiti in a railway tunnel.

The guy's name is Paavo Arhinmäki, he is one of four deputy mayors in Helsinki, and the Finnish Transport Infrastructure Agency says it's going to cost them 3,500 Euros ($3,830 American) to sandblast the graffiti.

It's not like he's 13, the average age of someone with a can of spray paint in their hand. This dude is 46 and holds a responsible position, and now it seems he is responsible for the damage to a rail tunnel.

Finnish art experts appraised his work and say it looks like he was inspired by New York City sprayed damage from the 70s.

And this being 2023, Arhinmäki couldn't wait to get on Facebook to talk his way out of it, or try to. He admits to being a graffitier in his younger days and supporting "street art," that field of endeavor in which the artist confuses public property for his own canvas. 

Oh, and he apologized for his "stupid fooling around."

Finland’s largest newspaper, Helsingin Sanomat, showed off the deputy mayor's handiwork in a tweet.

This is in a tunnel used by cargo trains, so it's not like he chose a "canvas" where his genius would be shared with many people, just a conductor and a hobo or two.

“I have committed a crime and bear full responsibility for it,” Arhinmäki said, but he also said he refuses to quit.

Every year, Helsinki spends almost 3/4 of a million dollars to remove illegal graffiti in that city of 650,000 residents, whose lives are not measurably improved by having a politician spraypaint all over the place.