Trouble

Words you don't want to see preceding your name: "Troubled rocker" (as in "troubled rocker Tommy Lee") or "frequent Oprah show guest" as in most anyone.

But now, you see the preamble "Former NFL quarterback" and you look for trouble, because most former NFL quarterbacks take their money and go home in peace. If they make the news, it's for being stupid like Former NFL quarterback Jay Cutler, who is accused of attempting to leave the scene of a Tennessee car wreck. Police say (those are two more words you don't want to see in a story about yourself) that the driver he rear-ended turned down his $2,000 bribe.

It was just a little crunchy bumper thing, but now Cutler, drafted out of Vanderbilt, and late of the Broncos (2006–2008), Bears (2009–2016), and Dolphins (2017) and a marriage to "reality star" (two more words to keep away from!) Kristin Cavallari, stands accused of DUI, possession of a handgun under the influence, failure to exercise due care to avoid a collision, and implied consent. He bonded out for $5,000.

The arrest report say Cutler rammed his Ram (that one was too easy) into another vehicle and ALLEGEDLY offered the other guy a couple thousand semoleons to keep it on the QT, but the guy called police, who soon arrived to find Cutler’s eyes all bloodshot as he “slurred and mumbled” his words.

The cops described him as “thick-tongued” in their report. Again, not a descriptor he will proudly tell his kids (sons Camden, 11, Jaxon, 9, and daughter Saylor, 8) about.  At first, the one-time athlete denied imbibing alcohol, but then amended his statement to say he had a "little bit" of the hooch.

Speaking of things he had, how about the rifle in the back seat as he careered through the streets, and the Glock handgun in the center console? 

Jay "Rambo" Cutler, on the prowl, ladies and gentlemen.

 

His mugshot, featuring a greying beard, is evidence that he should know better. The whole incident is evidence that parents should look elsewhere before telling their sons that they should model themselves after professional athletes.