Since I have mountains of time on my hands, I decided to click 147 times and read one of those lists of things that Kate Middleton, Duchess of Whateversville, is not allowed to do. I thought I should share them, because who knows? You might be invited to high tea with her and her hubby Prince Willie any day now!
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| Kate seen with estranged family member |
Kay? Here we go...
- No Autographs - although she could just write "K8," but nooooo.
- She Is Forbidden To Profit From Her Work, so you can't offer to pay her for endorsing your tank tops or craft beer.
- Queen First. She cannot precede the Queen walking out of anywhere. Her Majesty goes first, so she can get the first cab.
- No Mussels Or Oysters, because they have been known to cause instant death, or worse. Filet-O-Fish, no problem.
- No Flashy Nail Colors. Her color palette includes a choice of two colors and zero Lee Press-on-Nails.
- No Social Media, because can you imagine seeing "Kate Middleton loved this" after you put up a picture of a kid schmearing ice cream all over himself?
- No PDA means you will never see her and Willie doing the vertical bop at a record hop.
- Strict Dress Code excludes anything from Frederick's of Hollywood. Nothing see-through, no torn knees, no tees with profane slogans. No tube tops, and certainly, proper foundation garments are required.
- No Provocative Dresses means she can't have anything low cut to look down upon or short cut to look up.
- Minimal Black Clothing means when she travels, she wears light colors, but they have to pack mourning clothes in case someone buys the ranch while they're away and she has to go say goodbye to someone to whom she never said hello.
- Monopoly Is Not Allowed because The Duke Of York said it's a vicious pastime in 2008. It is perfectly acceptable to play "Clue," with Prince Philip acting the part of Col. Mustard
- The Royal Family Can’t Travel On The Same Plane, Boat Or Train, and anyone who has ever gone on a trip with their own family cheers this veto.
- She Must Go To The Beauty Salon Frequently because a Duchess must stay well-groomed and her husband is not the person from whom to ask for hair advice.
- She Can Only Be Protestant Anglican but she is allowed to play BINGO
- Christmas Together is a very big deal with the Royals, especially when Charles leans out of the window and hollers at a boy playing in the snow, "An intelligent boy. A remarkable boy. Do you know whether they’ve sold the prize turkey that was hanging up there? Not the little prize; the big one." And then sends the penniless lad off to buy the great bird with just his smile.
- No Crying In Public means she is not allowed to dice onions for company.
- Jaw Placement Is Key For Photographs. It actually states that "When royal women pose for photographs they should be concerned about keeping their jaws parallel to the ground." No wonder so many royal types have emotional problems. They have to hold a protractor to the side of their faces all the time.
- She Must Walk Two Steps Behind William. So let's see...she has to be behind her grandmother-in-law and her husband as they file out of Woolworth's. A lot of women would just peel off and head in the opposite direction!
- The Stock Code. This floors me. Kate has to watch for the Queen's signals like she was a runner on third base. If Elizabeth has had enough for the evening, she puts her bag on the table, and that means "Five minutes and we gone, Kate!" When Eliz. puts her fork down, that means everyone is through chowing down. And when she touches the bill of her cap and rolls her eyes, that means the hit-and-run is on.
- One last one: The Queen dislikes garlic, so ain't nobody eatin' garlic.
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