With extra pickles

I always think that one reason why the Circuit City electronics chain went toes-up is the day that my buddy Mike went into one of their stores and found absolutely zero employees on the "sales" floor.

Zero, as in no one was there.

So Mike took his cell phone and called 1-800-CIRCUITCITY, or whatever their number was, and asked the operator if it was store policy for people to wait on themselves while in the stores.

"No, of course not," came the reply.

"Well, I'm in your store in Lutherville, MD, and no one is here to wait on me, so I was wondering if I could just go behind the counter and ring up my purchases."

A few seconds later, a Circuit Citizen came rushing out from the breakroom, rubbing his hands briskly, chirping, "What can I do for you, sir?"

Same thing goes for Waffle House. As a lifetime member of the National Waffle Association, I support the Syrup Amendment, and your right to butter waffles up to your arms.  But when Alex Bowen, a bon vivant  from South Carolina, stopped by the Waffle House in West Columbia at 3 AM not long ago, he couldn't find a soul on the job.

"I walked back outside to look for employees," Bowen said. "No one in sight."

He was on his way home from a night spent consuming potent potables, as Alex Trebek would say (in the form of a question) and then he  "walked back in and waited a few more minutes and then it was go time," as he told the local news down there.

Eventually, he noticed the one person who actually "worked" there, sound asleep in a booth.

“As I was going around the corner, I saw the sleeping employee and they looked tired, they were sleeping, I was like, ‘go ahead and rest fam, I got this,' ” Bowen told TV station WOLO.

And then came the moment of pure bliss. I mean, this is like you go to a ballgame and the PA announcer asks if anyone in the crowd can throw a ball, or you go to a Who concert and Keith Moon passes out and Peter Townshend asks "Is there a drummer in the house?" or you're in line at the Stop 'N' Pay and the cashier goes on a break and never returns and you step behind the belt and start ringing everyone up (my personal fantasy.)

"Go time" it was, so Alex cranked up the grill and whomped himself up a nice old double Texas bacon cheese steak melt. With extra pickles. This being America in 2017, of course he posted pictures on seventeen social media sites.

A floor installer who gives all the credit for this adventure to his "old friend vodka," Alex did return later in the day when he dried out was more in possession of all his faculties and paid for the sandwich. The torpefied employee drew a week's suspension, and Waffle House brass scrambled to issue a statement:

"Our local Division Manager has spoken to Alex and apologized. For safety reasons, our customers should never have to go behind the counter. Rather they should get a quality experience delivered by friendly associates. In a related note, obviously Alex has some cooking skills, and we’d like to talk to him about a job since we may have something for him."