Pistol-ed Off

Oh, my. They were talking on the AM radio th' other day about somewhere down South where the town fathers have decided it would be a great idea for people to carry their weapons in the city parks and recreational areas.

Obviously, the idea has merit. How else can you handle it when someone takes their turn ahead of you on the teeter-totter? And what better method to demonstrate to the kids that this butting up in line for the water cooler simply will NOT be tolerated. Shoot first and teach manners later! That can be the rallying cry of the new generation.

I didn't hear one sensible person call in and try to point out that maybe turning City Park into Dodge City might not be the way to go. It was a chorus of men, all lusting over the very idea of strutting through the parking lot, onto the walkway, and down to the softball diamond or pool or playground with that big iron on their hips. It was almost lascivious, the way they were becoming aroused at the very notion...now come on...you don't buy that phallic substitute thing for one second, do you? 'Cause if you do, it'll just backfire on you. I mean, sure as shootin', you're gonna miss the bullseye with that sort of thinking. What a load.

I heard the host telling the listeners that it would be sooooo nice to know that if he were at the park and something started to go down, he would be able to "take care of the situation." Clearly, in our ever-Palinized society, what we need, in lieu of the trained police who have sworn on their lives to protect us, instead of the Army, the Navy, the Air Force and the Marines, clearly, without cavil, what this country needs is radio talk show hosts armed to the teeth, on patrol in our parks.

Gone are the days when it was a nice little treat on a pretty day to take a pizza and a Colt 45 to the park. It means something altogether different now, not nearly as fun.