Son Of An Itch

Joni Mitchell had an album in 1975 with the title song "The Hissing Of Summer Lawns," and for years, I have kept the secret to myself. 

But now it can be revealed. The hissing comes from the mosquitoes, the dreadful little bloodsuckers that buzz all summer long, drinking human blood and leaving an itch behind.  

And at long last, science has found the time to prove that some of us are "mosquito magnets" as we have long surmised. We all know guys and gals who can stand around outside every August eve and come back inside with nothing but a belly full of beer and burgers, while some of us can come under attack just by hauling the recycling out to the curb.

I'm in the second group.

And science says it all comes back to how I smell. Researches say those of us to whom the bugs are really attracted have certain chemicals on our skin.  AND! your "attractiveness" does not fade away over the years.

“If you have high levels of this stuff on your skin, you’re going to be the one at the picnic getting all the bites,” said Leslie Vosshall, who's a neurobiologist at Rockefeller University in New York, and an author of this report.

The science journal "Cell" released the findings last week of a test that matched people's scents against each other in terms of how much 'skeeters like to munch on them.

Study author Maria Elena De Obaldia rounded up 64 volunteers and had them put nylon stockings on their forearms to trap their individual smells. The stockings were then put in separate traps in a long tube, and mosquitoes were let loose to go after the smells they love the most.

“They would basically swarm to the most attractive subjects,” De Obaldia said. “It became very obvious right away.”

Scientists, always looking for a fun game, set up a tournament of sorts, and found that the "winning" smell was 100 times more attractive to bugs than the least popular.

And then they tested the same people again and again over the years and got the same results, so there you have it. You can take a bath and you can powder yourself all up, and these consarned critters will make a beeline for you just the same. 

“Mosquito magnets seem to remain mosquito magnets,” DeGennaro said.

It seems that it's the greasy molecules that serve to moisturize our skin that attract the stingers.  And Ms Vosshall says you can’t get rid of these acid molecules without damaging your skin health.

So, you can't win if you're among the ones that the bugs go for. Stay inside with me and watch the ball game, be my advice.