Army-Navy story

It is currently linguistically fashionable to refer to people or things as the GOAT - as in Greatest Of All Time. It's a category reserved for the likes of Elvis, Muhammad Ali, the Beatles, and The McRib, which is certainly the ne plus ultra (that for which there is nothing greater) of sandwiches containing ground boneless pork shoulder emulsified with water, spices, dextrose sugar, and preservatives to refine its flavor and texture.

The US Naval Academy, down the road in Annapolis, has the GOAT mascot, and it is a goat.  A real live goat.  And with the annual Army-Navy football game coming up tomorrow, those wacky  West Point cadets tried to steal the goat to get Navy's goat, but what they got was the wrong goat.

Some of America's future military leaders drove to a farm near Annapolis, Maryland where Bill The Goat (real name, Bill #37) lives contentedly. And these madcap MacArthurs, these elementary Eisenhowers, chased the whole trip of goats around the farm, and came away with Bill #34 instead of #37.

As stated in the New York Times, Bill 34, is a "one-horned, 14-year-old retiree," and wouldn't we all like to be that?

#37 

Under questioning, West Point officials are not saying who did what, but did state that no one or no animal was injured in the staging of this jejune prank. The goat was "returned safely" and the Army is "investigating those responsible."

A prepared statement written by public relations officers who would much rather be doing anything other than describing childish antics was distributed, and attributed to superintendents Lt. Gen. Darryl A. Williams and Vice Adm. Sean Buck. It said: “The U.S. Military Academy and the U.S. Naval Academy are disappointed by the trust that was broken recently between our brothers and sisters in arms. These actions do not reflect either academy’s core values of dignity and respect.”  

In my prepared statement, it says that military service to the nation should be viewed a little more seriously than stealing goats in the middle of the night would reflect. The practice of mascot-nabbing has been declared officially off-limits since the early 1990s.

By the way, if you wonder why the Navy has a goat as a mascot, and not something more nautical such as a mermaid, well, back in the colonial American days, sailors had goats and other livestock aboard vessels at sea to provide food, milk, and eggs, not to mention shipboard companionship.

Ahoy!