A day at the bleach

We seem to be living in that bizarro world where nothing makes a bit of sense, so let's just go ahead and say it: bleach is fine for cleaning your toilet and certain laundry applications.

No matter who tells you otherwise, don't eat or drink bleach. That Clorox bottle contains a dilute solution of sodium hypochlorite, and that's even less appetizing than it sounds.

Now, you're saying to me, "Who would do such a nutty thing?" And I have to tell you that according to survey results just published in the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (MMWR) (look for it on newsstands everywhere!) 39% of the Americans surveyed have done foolish things with cleaning products to keep that old  Covid-19 coronavirus away.

Look on the bright side. That means there are still 61% of us with at least two functioning brain cells to rub together. But still...

4% of the people surveyed owned up to drinking or gargling diluted bleach solutions, sudsy water or other unsavory solutions.  18% of them say they use things other than soap to clean their hands or hair. A perplexing 10% say they mist their bodes with household cleaning and disinfectant products.

But wait! There's more!

6% of these folks have inhaled the vapors of these products.

19% of the people surveyed said, sure, they put bleach on their food so as not to get the 'Rona.

Statistically, this means that if you look at any group of one hundred people on your friends list, 19 of them spray Clorox on their tomatoes before tossing their salad.

Enough. According to Forbes magazine, here are some things you CAN do to stave off the COVID:

1. Wipe down food packaging. That means wipe down what the food COMES in, not the food. If you're so inclined, clean off the bag or can or cello container of whatever, but not the whatever inside.

2. Keep kitchen surfaces clean and sanitized. The FDA says, if you can't find your favorite cleaner at the BuySumMor, you can make your own with "a DIY sanitizing solution with 5 tablespoons (1/3rd cup) unscented liquid chlorine bleach to 1 gallon of water or 4 teaspoons of bleach per quart of water.”

3. Wash your hands thoroughly before and after handling food. This will stop the spread of cooties from your hands to your face or your sandwich. Lather up and scrub while singing (out loud or to yourself) for 20 seconds a song of your choosing.  Go with something by Queen. Even 20 seconds of Michael Bublé can seem to take an eternity.

4. Thoroughly cook what can and should be cooked. This means to avoid raw meat, but you don't have to cook apples. You should, though.  They're better that way. Raw food is risky.

5. Use clean water to rinse fresh fruits and vegetables. Really, it's plenty. No soapsuds can be good for raspberries.


6. Carry and store food safely. Keep it in a baggy if it will be around people who might breathe or sneeze or pant on it. You never know. Keep it cold, or warm, as appropriate.

This might be a good time to suggest that we all use common sense in dealing with cleanliness and food storage and preparation.  If it doesn't sound like something Miss Landers or Mrs Cleaver would recommend, I recommend against it.