Paul Bearer

Two weeks ago, most of us would have been stumped by the question, "Who is Rand Paul?"

(I would have guessed that he was the compiler of atlases, along with his partner McNally.)

But he's the Teabag Party Republican winner of the Kentucky senatorial primary election, vying for the honor of replacing Jim Bunning, widely regarded as the worst senator in captivity. He's also the son of Ron Paul, a Republican congressman from Texas who describes himself as "America's leading voice for limited constitutional government, low taxes, free markets, and a return to sound monetary policies." I wanna party with you, cowboy. He's also a man who opposed a resolution saluting the 40th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, widely regarded as one of the great laws given us by Congress, except that Rep. Paul and his son wish to reserve the right of business owners to be racist. Rand says he abhors racial discrimination, but isn't so sure that the government has the right to tell bar owners that they have to allow everyone in their saloons.

And then Rand came up with this quote: "I think it's part of this sort of blame game society in the sense that it's always got to be someone's fault instead of the fact that sometimes accidents happen" to remind us that we shouldn't get so doggone mad at BP for spoiling the Gulf of Mexico.

And then he got exhausted. He just won this primary a few days ago, and he cancelled a scheduled appearance on this past Sunday's "Meet The Press" on NBC - just the third person in six decades to cancel on that show - because he's just so tired. And, "MTP" host David Gregory cited additional comments by Mr. Paul that he had decided to cut back on television appearances "to avoid the liberal bias of the media."

Son. You're running for the Senate, you tell us you're not so sure that the Civil Rights Act was fair to rednecks, you're quick to defend oil companies as the "black gold Texas tea" keeps spewing into the Gulf, and you're tired already?

Oh, and did I mention that he's an ophthalmologist? Maybe he could take a few minutes and open up his own eyes. After he catches up on his rest, you understand.

Our Jimbo Jones

If you remember the old "Police Squad!" TV show, you must recall the scene when detectives were talking with a woman who had just lost her husband in a staged bank robbery. They asked him if he had any enemies, and she said, "Well, the Democrats didn't like him!"

That was a funny TV show. Now it's for real that 2,000 federal employees have been placed on unpaid furloughs, jobless benefits are in jeopardy for millions and more than 40 highway projects have been halted. And it's all because of one man, the estimable Republican senator from the great state of Kentucky, the most-unliked man on Capitol Hill, the least effective legislator in the Congress today, the man whom even his fellow Republicans find prickly...ladies and gentlemen, say howdy to Senator Jim Bunning, who once again graces our pages because he and he alone has decided to stick his thumb in the machinery that makes the nation work.

Here we see the measure of the man:



In other news involving Jim Bunning's fingers, he gave the middle one to an ABC reporter who had the nerve to ask him what he was up to, holding up a $10 million spending bill "just 'cause I felt like it."



"I think the older he gets, the more cantankerous he becomes," said Kentucky Republican Larry Forgy, a two-time losing candidate for governor and a big fan of the former major league pitcher . "He's as tough as a pine knot. He doesn't care what they say about him." If you read that more than once, you realize that the honorable Mr Forgy is congratulating Bunning for being cantankerous!



See, this is what you get when you send a pine knot to do an adult's job as your senator. You get a guy who had to apologize after he predicted Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, would be "dead within a year."

The last time he won reelection, in 2004, he almost lost, and here's what he had to say about his Democratic opponent — Daniel Mongiardo, who is of Italian descent...that he looked "like one of Saddam Hussein's sons." Another apology from good old Funning Bunning.

This country needs a lot of things right now. I wholeheartedly support Jimbo's decision to retire. Let's hope he just goes back to ole' Kaintuck' and does a heap o' sittin', spittin' and whittlin', while a real grownup gets elected this fall to come to DC and do a real grownup's job.

Dab a little KY on that there, Jimbo

From the Los Angeles Times:

(US Senator Jim) Bunning (R, KY) probably hurt his own case with an outrageous comment that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would be dead within “nine months.” In the course of explaining his support for conservative judges to a crowd at the Lincoln Day Dinner at the Old State Theater in Hardin County, Ky., Bunning said that a fight over a new Supreme Court justice would start “very shortly because Ruth Bader Ginsburg...has cancer...bad cancer...the kind you don't get better from."

The 75-year-old Ginsburg returned to work at the Supreme Court today with a report from her doctors that her tumor had turned out to be benign and had not spread.

Bunning, a retired Hall of Fame pitcher, has been known for wild verbal excesses before.

During the 2004 election, he said his opponent -- state Sen. Daniel Mongiardo -- looked like one of Saddam Hussein's sons. And he accused Mongiardo's staff of roughing up the senator's wife. He also upped his security detail, telling a Paducah TV station, "There may be strangers among us."

and this from TIME magazine:

Back in 2006, Time named the 10 best and 5 worst US Senators. On the "worst" list, each entry noted that the bad Senator was at least "well-liked" or "affable." Except for Bunning!

In addition to being hostile to staff members on the Hill and occasionally even other Senators, Bunning shows little interest in policy unless it involves baseball, according to congressional experts and colleagues. When asked, they struggle to recall any legislation Bunning has worked on, although he did join Arizona Senator John McCain last spring in demanding tougher punishments for steroid use in professional sports.

Of course, today the distinguished senator, who was heretofore not known to be a medical expert, and who is widely considered the most vulnerable incumbent in the Senate, issued his apology, saying he apologized IF Justice Ginsberg (sic) was offended.

Oh Jim! How nice to think that someone MIGHT be offended by your prediction of their imminent death! And how about learning to spell the justice's name: it's Ginsburg, but your press release spelled it wrong twice. Back in your baseball days, you'd have called that going oh-for-2. And the official scorer would charge an E-1, bad play by the pitcher.

I see retirement and disgrace in your immediate future, along with a photograph showing just how big a hump you are: