I'll have a Danish, please

The other night, watching the Orioles game, Peggy jokingly referred to left fielder Heston Kjerstad as "Kierkegaard," and a good time was had by all.

Now, Søren Kierkegaard was a Danish theologian, philosopher, poet, social observer, and Christian author. He was only around for 42 years (1813 - 1855) but in that short life, he founded what is called the philosophical school known as existentialism.

"Søren The K"

Existentialism is often confused or misidentified as the very concept of existence. You're likely to see this among the blurbs on the back covers of cheesy novels in whose scenarios frustrated, unfulfilled suburbanites seek the meaning of life as they pilot their Range Rovers home from Whole Foods..."Walston was struck by the existential nature of life, realizing that if he hadn't joined the water polo team at Yale, he would never have known the love of Heather, whose father owned a chain of lumberyards in the Fair Hills area."

Walston's imaginary plush life notwithstanding, Existentialism holds that we have the freedom and responsibility to make the right choices to lead our lives down successful, proper paths.

In other words, "If it is to be, it is up to me."

The most notable existentialists include Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, Martin Heidegger, Jean-Paul Sartre, Albert Camus, Simone de Beauvoir, and Orioles color commentator Ben McDonald, who pointed out in a game this past Saturday against the Tigers that each player is responsible for his own performance. 

And therein lies the meaning of life! 

Ben McDonald can hold 7 baseballs in his hand.

1-800- HELPPPP

 If you want to get people all worked up, just ask how they feel about their health insurance. "It's a lot more expensive than it used to be," and "it's confusing," those are the gripes.

Anyone you talk to (and a lot of people you don't) will pause from their daily activities to describe in minute detail just what happened when their cousin Charlotte's hypothalamus went on the fritz. Over and over come the stories about how the Admitting Clerk at St. Hoolahan's Hospital was really a) surly b) busy  c) confused or d) Charlotte's daughter's best friend from the Hammerjacks era.

And the nurse and the doctors and so many stories, and I feel bad for everyone who ever had a bad time at the hands of the health care industry. 

It's just my luck that things go well for me in that area. The medical team that keeps me going, and the pharmacy at Giant, are always reasonable and professional. 

And get this - last week the Computer That Runs The World said that Aetna Medicare rejected my claim for something, so I called Aetna on the phone.  It was almost 6 PM, when most 800 numbers are answered with a curt "our offices are now closed," but no, they were on the job, and a most helpful woman answered, found out that the problem involved "durable medical equipment" and not a drug, and she was back on the phone in a trice, problem solved.

You know what I've learned over the years? When something goes wrong, asking for help works a lot better than DEMANDING A SOLUTION RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE! 

Unless your problem is with the US Post Office. In that case, hollering is usually the only fix. 

Big Bad Bill

There really and truly is no fool like an old fool.

Say, on another topic, did you happen to see the interview Bill Belichick, former coach of the New England Patriots and current head coach at the U of North Carolina, gave to "CBS Sunday Morning" on Sunday morning? 

Nattily attired as always.

There's a change in Bill these days. If you remember his post-game interviews from his heyday in NE, it was as if he regarded every word that he forced out of his mouth as a golden pellet of wisdom he hated to give away. One or two word answers were his game, and then he would bolt away from the mic as if he had heard himself being called in to supper.

Oh but now! OH! He has a book, an autobiography to sell you, and the words just came out like they opened the sluicegate on some hydroelectric dam. Buy my book! I'm a nice enough sort! Read my stories!

Until Tony Dukoupil asked the 73-year-old swain about the 24-year lady sitting over there eagle-eying the interview about how those two crazy lovebirds met. She is one Jordon Hudson, the current girlfriend of Talkative Bill. She said, "We're not talking about this."

You'd better do as she says, Bill. You know that look all too well.

And doggone if he didn't just sit there and not answer the question! He looked like he was afraid she would send him off without his Ovaltine tonight if he said another word about it.

There was an old song about something like this...here's Leon Redbone's version of "Big Bad Bill Is Sweet William Now."

I wish them many happy years together. He can tell her all about things that happened before she was born, and she can pretend to care!

Sunday Rerun: Growing Up

 Perhaps this will be a key moment in the maturation of Tyrique Stevenson. Tyrique is 24, and is a cornerback for the Chicago Bears, who had just taken the lead Sunday over the Washington Commanders in exciting National Football League action. With mere seconds left, the Commanders lined up for a last-ditch attempt at a longshot touchdown pass. 

But... instead of preparing for the play, Tyrique spent time waving to the DC fans, taunting them even after the play began.

It gets worse. The fans hooted back at him, gesticulating that he would do well to turn around and play football with the other 21 men on the field, because the play was underway.

That he did, and it seems that it would have gone better for the Bears had Tyrique continued his antics, because when he did get into the action, he tipped the toss-up pass into the waiting hands of Washington receiver Noah Brown, who scampered into the end zone to win the game.

Of course, the twitterverse took Stevenson to task, and he replied: "To Chicago and teammates my apologies for lack of awareness and focus," he wrote. "The game ain't over until zeros hit the clock. Can't take anything for granted. Notes taken, improvement will happen."

Stevenson added Monday, "I let the moment get too big and it's something that can never happen again and won't ever happen again."

Moments have a way of taking on the size we allow them to have. Meanwhile, I'm saving that phrase for the next time I forget to check the catbox or buy too many pork chops or say something untoward: "Notes taken, improvement will happen."

Doesn't sound like me, but I won't let the moment get too big.

The Saturday Picture Show, April 26, 2025

 

This has to be the all-time record for the gap in years between the deaths of twins...poor Emily, alive for but two days, and Minnie lived to see 101 candles on her cake. I can just imagine them catching up on things up in Heaven.

Someone with an artistic bent took a pile of garbage and made shadow art!

In the show business, they call one-hundred-dollar bills "C notes" (C as in Century, as in a hundred) and show biz is the one place they use this fake currency. "That's quite a a pile of lettuce you got there, Lefty!"

This is a pygmy owl. He looks full-size to me. Maybe another owl should pose next to him.

I love the part of nature that makes fallen trees look artistic, and the way the setting sun lights up these weeds and makes them beautiful.

Special shoes used by cattle thieves so that their human footprints look bovine.

It's that sad time of the year when the snow shovels are washed off and set out to dry in the sun before being put away until, we hope, maybe October, November, the latest.

Wile E. Coyote is not messing around this time. This is the Acme of Serious business!

When you ask a stranger to snap your gag vacation photo of you purporting to hold up the Leaning Tower of Pisa, make sure to select a stranger who knows how to figure the angles.

A local VFW post (unknown where) made an interesting mural of their back wall.

Everybody's crazy about a sharp-dressed man

Robert Benchley first came to attention on Broadway by performing a bit called "The Treasurer's Report," which started out with him saying, "First, I would like to remind everyone that it was never my idea to be the treasurer in the first place."

I say that just to remind one and all that I am not a Roman Catholic, although I am going to comment on the shoe choices of the recently departed Pope Francis.

His predecessor, Benedict XVI, went in for the fancy outfits, most notably red shoes. I know you aren't supposed to wear white shoes after Labor Day, but when are red ones ok for a man who is not an outfielder for the Los Angeles Angels?

As the Washington Post said about the fondly-remembered Francis, his vision for the church was “less beholden to its own hierarchy,” meaning he wasn't afraid to change thing up. 

Stories abound of him driving himself around Rome in a Ford Focus, buying his own eyeglasses, bunking in a Vatican City guesthouse, rather than a deluxe apartment he might have occupied.

Eschewing (eshoeing?) the flashy red pumps for serviceable black dress shoes was a good move to me, someone who has no say in the matter and yet butts in on everything under the sun.

Simple black rubber-soled Oxfords.

I mean, he couldn't very well go around in Weejuns (too informal) or Rockports (too casual) but the papal kicks look fine to me. The man was trying to reach the people with the message from God, not dazzle them with his footwear.

Indeed, whenever I saw the Pope on television, he seemed no more duded up than any local parish priest, and maybe that was the plan - not to try to be flashy, just to be a regular servant of God.

Filippo Sorcinelli, the Italian designer who put together his official wardrobe, said that Francis wanted to present a “noble simplicity.”

He was simple and humble, as all leaders should be. If you know what I mean.

Any way you slice it

If you were any good at Geometry, you are far smarter than I. I mean, the square of the hypotenuse and all that? I couldn't get it, and the other thing I couldn't get was what possible use I would ever have in my future career.

At 16, the only future career I envisioned involved me sitting in a radio studio, playing records and cracking jokes and reading used-car commercials, so the only geometry involved there was making sure the records were round, the bosses weren't square, and not getting involved with any triangles with coworkers.

I mean, who am I,  Tony Curtis or something?

Even then, there were kids in the class who would have known the answer to the eternal question: Where are you going to get more crust, sauce, cheese and pepperoni - in one 18-inch pizza, or two 12-inch pizzas?

More is more, I would have said, so give me the two 12s please, and add sausage and extra cheese.

But the geometrists in the class, and there were some, would have known that one 18-inch pizza has more pizza surface area than two 12-inch pizzas.

Breaking down the math, the 18-inch pizza covers an area of approximately 254 square inches, while two 12-inch pizzas combined have an area of about 226 square inches. 

 Proving, once again, that pi are square!

The word is the word

In my dotage, I find it more and more important to continue to read more and learn more and worry less. The main reason I have resisted the urge to join fellow retirees by moving to Florida is, I do not wish to end my life being eaten by an alligator.

And the second reason is that there are people around here I haven't irritated yet, but give me time. I will get to everyone on the list expeditiously.

A wise man I once knew advised me to make it a point to learn a new word every day, and friends, you are not going to learn many new words by watching the local news, where they can't even pronounce the words they know, or by listening to talk radio, where people who don't know much about the world, or sports, call a toll-free number to have the chance to display their fatuousness.

Reading a good newspaper such as the Washington POST used to be, or the New York Times, is a way to get that new word in your noggin daily. Yesterday, reading about the selection process for replacing the late Pope Francis, I learned that the  camerlengo "is a key official within the Roman Catholic Church who serves as the acting head of the Vatican during the sede vacante (the period between the death or resignation of a pope and the election of a new one). In essence, the camerlengo oversees the day-to-day operations of the Holy See until a new pope is chosen."

The word camerlengo traces its etymology back to the Latin "camerarius," meaning "chamber officer. " Further investigation revealed that the word has no association with the Chevrolet Camaro automobile.

People with newborn babies look forward every night to see what little Junior or Sally Mae will be up to in the morning. I look forward to learning a new word, in the hopes of teaching it to Sally or Junior.

Screaming!

 I'm going to go ahead and assume that most of us have seen movies and TV shows have heard the sound effect known as the Wilhelm Scream.

Try it out for size on your ears here.

This shriek of rather awful discomfort is known as the Wilhelm Scream in the sound effects business. The voice you hear is that of the actor known as Sheb Wooley. Sheb was an actor in Western shows- he played the drover for the cattle drives on "Rawhide." He also sang country music songs under the gag name "Ben Colder" and rock 'n' roll novelties such as "The Purple People Eater." Oh, and he played the dissolute assistant coach to Gene Hackman in "Hoosiers." 

As for the scream itself, Sheb recorded it in 1951 for the movie "The Adventures of Captain Wyatt," and since that "debut," it has been dubbed into hundreds of  hundred movies, series, commercials and video games...and "Star Wars" movies.

I don't mind telling you that the next "Star Wars" moon pitcha I see will be the first I ever see, unless they all of a sudden have Johnny Knoxville added to the cast as some sort of space guy.

But I would know the agonized yelp of Sheb Wooley anywhere. 

 

Bottom of the barrel

 If you know me, you know my favorite decorating esthetic is the way they do it at Cracker Barrel. While you're chowing  down on your chicken-fried steak or pancakes, you're surrounded by old kitchen and farm implements and ancient soda-pop calendars. 

We were there the other night, and our friend who serves there told us that earlier that day, a customer pried a framed picture off the wall next to her table, secreted it under her raincoat, and ankled right on out of there, presumably to hop on I-95 and make good her escape. 

Now, I mean really.  I understand that people think that whatever is not Super-Glued and triple‐bolted down is available for taking home, along with their indigestion. Restaurants go through salt and pepper shakers and napkin dispensers and Sweet 'N Low packets like Netflix goes through old reruns. I mean, at that very Barrel, when I told another server how much I liked the Cholula hot sauce, she said, "No one's looking. Go ahead, take it." 

I didn't. Possession of purloined pepper sauce is a felony in several states. 

Someone has to help me understand this sense of entitlement that directs some of us to steal what isn't ours.

Easter 2025

 We wish you and yours, and all who celebrate, an Easter Sunday of devotion and reflection.

The Saturday Picture Show, April 19, 2025

So, the next time one of you smart alex has something to say about my many stacks of books - (Read, Unread, Re-Reading) I can just smile and say "Tsundoku!"

I was fortunate enough to be around for both times Shari Lewis and her sock puppet family (including Lamb Chop, above) were famous. She was all over TV in the 50s and then burst back into the spotlight in the 90s with "Lamb Chop's Play-Along" on PBS.  Although Shari (born Phyllis Naomi Hurwitz in 1933) died in 1998, Lamb Chop's image is still popular as a chew toy for dogs. I would have given anything to learn ventriloquism, but everyone says it's better for them that I didn't.

When you see Edward G. Robinson (born Emanuel Goldenberg) performing this scene in "The Ten Commandments," just remember, five minutes earlier, he was hooving on a Lucky Strike, see? 

A nice double rainbow over Citizens' Bank Park in Philadelphia. That's got to mean good luck, right?

From the lemonade-out-of-lemons playbook - if the giant hurricane last fall left you with a toppled tree in the yard, make a chair out of it! Looks like there's enough for an ottoman, too.

You don't get to be as old as the man born Willie Hugh Nelson 92 years ago as of April 29 without acquiring some essential wisdom, and he knows, and we know, that our blessings far outweigh our problems - and we wouldn't trade either with anyone.

You know him better as Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, but to Central Pacific Divers of Lahaina, Hawaii, he is known as Steven V.  Tallarico, Certified Diver.

I have to find some excuse to go to Greenville, SC, to see the home of Shoeless Joe Jackson (Joseph Jefferson Jackson), the great baseball player over a century ago. It's a museum now.

As the Secretary of Education would say, this must be A1. Apparently they're bringing a new season of  The Simpsons to British TV and they wanted Big Ben to look like Really Big Marge. Cheerio!

 An experienced cat gets at least three naps a day, and just fools around the rest of the time.

Warning!

 So there I was, doing the electronic version of walking down to the mailbox, and I got an email in the old ebox that read:

A‏c‏t‏i‏o‏n‏ r‏e‏q‏u‏i‏r‏e‏d‏

I‏n‏ a‏ r‏e‏c‏e‏n‏t‏ s‏e‏c‏u‏r‏i‏t‏y‏ r‏e‏v‏i‏e‏w‏,‏ o‏u‏r‏ s‏y‏s‏t‏e‏m‏ d‏e‏t‏e‏c‏t‏e‏d‏ s‏o‏m‏e‏ u‏n‏u‏s‏u‏a‏l‏ a‏c‏t‏i‏v‏i‏t‏y‏ o‏n‏ y‏o‏u‏r‏ l‏a‏s‏t‏ p‏a‏y‏m‏e‏n‏t‏s‏.‏

A‏s‏ a‏ s‏e‏c‏u‏r‏i‏t‏y‏ p‏r‏e‏c‏a‏u‏t‏i‏o‏n‏,‏ a‏l‏l‏ y‏o‏u‏r‏ p‏a‏y‏m‏e‏n‏t‏s‏ h‏a‏s‏ b‏e‏e‏n‏ p‏u‏t‏ o‏n‏ h‏o‏l‏d‏ u‏n‏t‏i‏l‏ w‏e‏ h‏e‏a‏r‏ f‏r‏o‏m‏ y‏o‏u‏.‏

M‏y‏ A‏c‏c‏o‏u‏n‏t‏

I‏f‏ t‏h‏i‏s‏ i‏s‏s‏u‏e‏ i‏s‏ n‏o‏t‏ r‏e‏s‏o‏l‏v‏e‏d‏,‏ y‏o‏u‏r‏ a‏c‏c‏o‏u‏n‏t‏ m‏a‏y‏ b‏e‏ s‏u‏s‏p‏e‏n‏d‏e‏d‏ a‏n‏y‏ t‏i‏m‏e‏ w‏i‏t‏h‏o‏u‏t‏ n‏o‏t‏i‏c‏e‏.‏

T‏h‏a‏n‏k‏ y‏o‏u‏ f‏o‏r‏ c‏h‏o‏o‏s‏i‏n‏g‏ W‏e‏l‏l‏s‏ F‏a‏r‏g‏o

Well, now, any activity on my account should be regarded as unusual, because the last time I had anything to do with Wells Fargo was watching "Tales of Wells Fargo" on NBC when I was a kid. They had 201 episodes; the show ran from 1957 - 1962.

 

The only other time I remember hearing about that outfit was when their reputation was scarred by scandal:  Wells Fargo & Company and its subsidiary, Wells Fargo Bank, N.A., have agreed to pay $3 billion to resolve their potential criminal and civil liability stemming from a practice between 2002 and 2016 of pressuring employees to meet unrealistic sales goals that led thousands of employees to provide millions of accounts or products to customers under false pretenses or without consent, often by creating false records or misusing customers’ identities, the Department of Justice announced today. (February 21, 2020)

So the thought that I would involve my vast fortune (estimated at well over a million pesos) with these crooks is laughable. And I don't know if they are the ones sending these alarming emails - it even had a red exclamation point!  - to people at large, hoping to trick them into revealing their banking, social security, and driver's license information, but they're treeing up the wrong bark with me.

All my loot is with the credit union. Crimefighters' tip: join a credit union that has hundreds of police officers among its depositors in line to do their bank stuff. It will never be held up.

‏And I would NEVER do business with a bank that said "all your payments has been held up" (sic). So there.

Mystery!

 If you've heard the song "Ode To Billie Joe," the mystery from 1967, you might have wondered how the songwriter and singer of that smash hit is doing.

And you wouldn't be alone.

I was just telling someone the other day about Joseph Mitchell, the New Yorker magazine writer who developed writer's block in 1964 after realizing he had been duped into believing that a certain oddball in New York had written a massive history of the world.

So devastated at being taken in was Mitchell that he did not write another published word until he retired from the magazine in 1996. Co-workers said he showed up for work every day, sat at his desk, and simply was not able to write again. The only utterance he was heard to give out with was an occasional sigh.

Let's do the math on that - 32 years he worked without getting anything done.

Bobbie Gentry, who had a couple of other hits (most notable was "Fancy," later covered by Reba McEntire) and never released more new music after her "Patchwork" album bombed in 1971 (it hardly sold at all, no hit singles came off it) was last seen in public on April 30, 1982 at the Academy of Country Music Awards.

No music, no appearances, nothing. Week after next, that will be 43 invisible, unheard years of a woman with so much talent, but what happened? Rumors say she might be living in a gated community in Memphis, or maybe in Los Angeles. 

I would love to know how she is and what she's been busy with.

And as with Jos. Mitchell, how come the people we like go missing, and the ones we wish would disappear for three or four decades just stay around day after day after day?

Let's Pretend

The longer I live here, the more amazed I am at what goes on. And ever since Monday, I have been following the fallout from the ridiculous "Gayle King Goes To Space" skit that was performed on Monday Morning Live, CBS's answer to Saturday Night Live.

Great idea! Jeff Bezos has all the money in the world that Levon doesn't have yet, so let's dress Gayle, Katy Perry, Lauren Sánchez (soon to be the lucky Mrs Bezos) and three other women (activist Amanda Nguyen, ex-NASA engineer Aisha Bowe and film producer Kerianne Flynn) and shoot them up in suborbital flight for 11 minutes, just past the Kármán line - the threshold of space! - and when they land, they can all call themselves astronauts!

Katy Perry conducts scientific experiment to see if a daisy will tell her whether someone loves her or not.

OK, listen: if riding in this phallic rocket makes one an "astronaut," then falling off a roof makes one a skydiver. And as far as I'm concerned, Gayle, who is usually content just to call herself "Oprah's best friend," can think she's an astronaut, but what a disservice that does to all the women and men who have trained over the years to earn that title.

I mean, the next thing you know, Kristi "K-9 Killa" Noem will dress up in an ICE uniform and pretend to be a customs police officer. And wouldn't that be silly?

Someday, we're going to have to stop pretending to be what we are not just by dressing the part.

 

 

 

Trying to better himself

In Amersfoort, Holland, the Meander Medical Centre was asked in September, 2014, to run some tests and checkups on a patient. Normally, that would not be of interest to anyone save that patient and his/her family, but this patients happened to be 1,000 years of age. Well into the Medicare years...

What had happened was, some researchers brought a thousand-year-old Buddha statue from a museum to the hospital for a CT scan. They found out that within the gold-painted figure was a mummy of an actual Buddhist monk.

CT scan came back nice!

Analysis showed that all the major organs, save the heart, were removed from the body prior to mummification way back then, and then the monk's organs were replaced with scraps of paper printed with Chinese letters and symbols that have not all been translated. 

The belief is that the body is that of Buddhist master Liuquan, who died around the year A.D. 1100. He was a member of the Chinese Meditation School. The Drents Museum in Holland has been exploring the possibility that the monks self-mummified in an attempt to turn himself into a "living Buddha."

It's nice to see that the self-improvement trend didn't just start the other day. 

 

How do you do it?

There are many ways to do it, and as mature adults (pause for laughter) we should discuss them, like civilized ladies and menfolk. There is nothing to be ashamed of; it's a natural process, part of everyday life, and talking about should be done openly, without shame.

What we're talking about is...parking the car. As in, I see discussions on the sociable media in which people say they can't believe someone backed into a parking spot in the parking garage, and how horrible that is.

I grew up, so to speak, across from a fire house, and you will never see a fire engine parked nose-in in the station, because when they have to go somewhere, they don't want to take time backing out.

Either way, when you park, you're going to have to back up. Why not get it done first? Even with the advent of the back-up camera in vehicles, which allows you to see behind you, it can take forever to make sure no one is coming. So do the backing up part, and then go to work or shopping or to see a friend, knowing that you have smooth sailing when you leave?

It's like eating the lima beans at the start of the meal, so you can get to the good stuff.

See you in the garage!

Sunday Rerun: Let's Make a Deal

 We've all heard a hundred jokes that begin with "Florida man..."

They're not always jokes; sometimes, they are real news stories. So this one begins with: Small town in Florida sells its water tower in a bungled real estate deal.

Look at this map! I've never even heard of Brooksville, FL, but here it seems to be a bigger deal than Tallahassee, Jacksonville, Tampa, Orlando, and Miami!

Anyhow, in April, a local business wheeler dealer bought the city-owned building under Brooksville's water tower. He gave the city $55,000 for the building, which used to be used as a storage site for various city agencies; the plan was to turn it into a gym (one where people would constantly look up to the sky in fear of the tower collapsing, but anyway...)

Bobby Read is the businessman here. As the City Council was closing the deal on May 5, he told city officials he thought the legal description of the property went far beyond what he thought he was buying. But officials, relying on the description they had, said no, we're cool, go ahead with the deal.

When Read went to the Hernando County Property Appraiser’s office to get the official address for the site of his new gym venture, the appraiser told him the parcel he bought included the entire water tower site.

Fortunately for many, on May 14, Read signed a warranty deed, transferring the water tower back to the red-faced city (population 8,500).

“I don’t know where the blame falls here,” said Blake Bell, a city council member. “We’re council members and we rely on the city manager. We assume that he has done his due diligence."

City Manager Mark Kutney said a "bad legal description" was to blame for the snafu. No lawyers have resigned yet, but the city's redevelopment agency director quit his job.

“We’re human,” Kutney said. “Sometimes we make a mistake.”

I can assure you, dear reader, that just WHO made the mistake and WHO should have caught it are topics of intense conversation around the town offices these days, make no mistake about that.

The Saturday Picture Show, April 12, 2025

Today, the Orioles will be re-introducing all-orange uniforms, a monochromatic masterpiece last seen here in 1971. Meanwhile, out in Kansas City, it's "Weekend At Bernie's" Weekend! 

This was taken in a room at Ellis Island, in a building where newly-arrived New Americans were quartered on arrival. How many hopes were born, how many dreams began, with a view of Lady Liberty?

An interesting image here...you wonder what the older lady would say to the younger one, and vice versa.

It's a little thing that could be a big thing if we all tried it!

Life is a continuous line.

This is the chow prepared by a husband who was leaving town on a business trip."Cotolette" is Italian for cutlet. I looked it up.

Go ahead and put a quarter in but don't expect too much.

Earth boring. Sky blue. Sea wet. 

Sneezing season begins with a sprinkle of magic yellow dust for your eyes and nose.

Sharing wisdom from Ralph "Where's" Waldo Emerson.