Wednesday, March 6, 2024

"The Blair Witch Project is like, really real, man!"

American is proud to be able to depend on our athletes (generally male) to come up with statements that make their second-grade teachers weep. Unless they were home-schooled, in which case we all weep.

It was some basketball guy a couple of years ago espousing that flat-earth nonsense, and and now we have a couple of college football players who hope to join the NFL later this year, since surely they will not be drafted by Mensa International.

That story about charging your phone in the microwave is false!

First, let's give a rousing cheer to the faculties of Texas Tech and the U of Illinois, who are sending, respectively, Red Raider Tyler Owens and Illini Tip Reiman on to bigger and better things. Owens was interviewed by reporters at the College Football Combine, and said that he didn’t "believe in space and other planets." 

And he was speaking in Indianapolis, which is as close to being another planet as it could be!

Nodding to his own assiduous research, Owens pointed out that he had looked into the flat earth theory and feels there are some valid points. 

I am assured that Reiman always wore his helmet during the games, but he felt it necessary to advise the press that he is a member of the “birds aren’t real” movement.

That gag was started by Peter McIndoe some years ago, to, as he put it, fight lunacy with lunacy, and still, some people took it seriously, as does Reiman:

“Have you ever seen a baby pigeon? How do we know that power lines aren’t pigeon recharging stations?”

Listen, young men, even if there's a scintilla of a chance that you are joking, please don't. Because there are people out there willing to believe that 5-G networks and chem trails are out to get them. 

 

 


 

 

1 comment:

Andrew W. Blenko said...

🙄🙄