Legal Update

It's October 1, and there are new laws in effect in the state of Maryland. Dozens of them, in fact, so don't call Ryan Saiontz today looking for landmark legal advice. He and all the other lawyers in town are reading up on the new laws.

The law that will clearly change the nature of our society is known as House Bill 1169. Under it, the minimum age for purchasing or being sold tobacco products, including cigarettes, cigars, electronic smoking devices or "vapes", and any related paraphernalia (such as stuffed Joe Camel figurines) will be raised from 18 to 21, exempting active duty military members 18 or older with a military ID.

To the best of my unschooled knowledge, the law doesn't make it illegal to possess smoking stuff, just to buy it. So everyone's cousin Oswald will be making a run down to the Sem-Elem, buying up those packs of Marblerows and selling them back to Jim Bob for twice what he paid. 

And there are few places where Jim Bob can even light up anymore. He might as well quit the habit, which I recommend along with every doctor this side of Mike Pence. 

Maybe this is how they'll get everyone to quit - by making it such a PIA that you say, why bother?

Another new law, wistfully entitled Senate Bill 909, requires healthcare practitioners to obtain consent before performing certain bodily exams on patients who are unconscious or under anesthesia.

In other words, your doctor or nurse practitioner or underwear vendor will now have to get you to say it's ok to check your nebuchadnezzar or your coccyx, he or she will have to get you to give the nod before giving you the gas.

BUT!  What if you're already down for the count, "like a patient etherized upon a table" as T. S. Eliot put it, and then the doctor wants to get a better gaze at your trillibub or puddinghouse?  How to get permission for the probe?

I don't know either, and I'm not about to find out!