Giving it the bird

The list of reasons why you will never* see me traveling by airplane grew by one last week, when a traveler sought to take his/her "support peacock" on a flight out of Newark, N.J.

I will repeat that for those of you living far away.

Someone in America (in fact, my second-favorite state, New Jersey) sought the emotional support that one can only find in the arms of a peacock.  And wished to take that rather large squawking bird aboard an airplane, placing one of God's magnificent creatures into a metal tube as it hurtles across the sky, headed for Kankakee or something.

The official reason from United Airlines was that  the exotic bird was barred because it “did not meet guidelines for a number of reasons, including its weight and size.”

“We explained this to the customer on three separate occasions before they arrived at the airport,” said a spokesperson for the airline with the same patience one uses to explain to a three-year-old why it's a bad practice to stick a knife into an electrical outlet. (Three-year-olds with knives? Bad idea.)

United won't tell you who this bird owner is, which, trust me, will someday make that person very happy as soon as he/she comes to his/her senses about this whole "support animal" thing.

United Airlines did not identify the bird’s owner, citing privacy policies.

It's federal policy that airlines must allow passengers with disabilities to board with trained service animals or emotional-support animals of many types. The policy said this must be allowed even if the animal has the  potential to “offend or annoy” others on the plane. But there's leeway to disallow boarding to “unusual” service animals, including snakes, other reptiles, ferrets, rodents and spiders.

I don't think I would want to be sitting next to someone with his/her service rat.

And so if the airline determines the animal is a threat to the health or safety of others, or would disrupt the flight, they can politely delineate the difference between a 747 and Noah's Ark and give them the gate.

The Department of Transportation says that complaints about  service animals nearly quadrupled between 2012 and 2016.

If you wish to take an animal on the plane with you for emotional or physical support, you can be asked for documentation from a mental health professional. And still, one hears stories about a loose duck quacking its way up and down the aisle of a plane, and a dog asking the flight attendant to give oxygen to a support dog whose owner said it was having an anxiety attack.

And of course, as it is in so many things, something that was good and helpful for people truly in need is being ruined by the fools who want their slice of the pie, even though they a) don't like pie b) don't need pie  and c) can't stand to see someone else get something.

*unless it's to someplace really cool for free