And you think YOUR neighbor is a nut!

Senator Rand Paul, Kentucky Republican, was jumped in his yard in Bowling Green the other day, allegedly by his neighbor, leaving the ophthalmologist/lawmaker with five broken ribs and lung contusions. 

The guy who's accused of the smackdown is the next-door neighbor, retired anesthesiologist Rene Boucher. He could have stayed on the scene to help with the pain, but nooooo...

Of course, the people who see a conspiracy behind every conversation, skullduggery afoot head to toe, and a machination in every action were quick to figure it out. Boucher is a known liberal, so therefore his only goal in life is to derail the ACA and stop Sen. Paul from reaching his goal, whatever it is. Facebook lit up with all the ways that Boucher is supposed to be an agent provocateur for the loony left.

And that all may well be true, although Rand Paul is nowhere near as important to our national destiny as he would like to think he is. I can't say; I've never been any closer to Kentucky than the Kentucky Fried Chicken drive thru ("8 piece box, extra crispy, chicken only, senior discount, please").

Dr Senator Paul before the fracas

But the truth might be a little more simpler than all the commotion over health care and the national civic weal.

"The unfortunate occurrence of November 3rd has absolutely nothing to do with either's politics or political agendas. It was a very regrettable dispute between two neighbors over a matter that most people would regard as trivial. We sincerely hope that Senator Paul is doing well and that these two gentlemen can get back to being neighbors as quickly as possible."

Those are the words from Boucher's attorney, Matt Baker, in a statement to WKU Public Radio. Baker went on to say the whole thing was "a very regrettable dispute between two neighbors over a matter that most people would regard as trivial."

The New York TIMES said that Paul "has long stood out in the well-to-do gated neighborhood," for doing what he wanted in his own yard, in apparent violation of the homeowner's association's 21-page rulebook.

Yes. 21 pages of rules, and among the rules are bans on compost heaps and growing one's own pumpkins, and it would seem that the senator flouted those rules to the irritation of the guy bext door, who retaliated by opening a can of whoopass on him.

Dr Boucher after the fracas
(Jail photo)

Boucher spent Friday night in the local calaboose and is due in court tomorrow, where there just might be a news crew or two standing by.

The senator is currently unable to travel and will miss work while recuperating.

Dr Boucher is now retired, but at one point in his life, he invented a rice-filled vest that one heated in the microwave before putting it on to relieve back pain. He sold this item on QVC in 2005, just like Joy Mangano with her squeeze mop. The vest is no longer being made, but if he has any left piled up in his garage, perhaps he could send one over to the Paul residence and the senator could nuke it and put it on and feel better.

This entire story seems insane to me, but it's true, and the craziest part is this: Senator Rand Paul mows his own lawn.