Burn Notice

Last week, the nation (except for Florida, Alaska and Hawaii) was in the grips of the worst polar vortex we had ever had since we first heard the term "polar vortex" the week before last.

You remember how cold it was, and how many people warmed themselves at the hearth of America's Fireplace  - the TV set - where meteorologists were all over the place, running outside with kettles full of boiling water in their begloved hands?  And then WHEEEEE!!! they tossed the boiling water (212°) into the air (-45° in Embarrass, MN) and WOW WOW WOW!  down came little ice pellets, tinkling earthward, sounding like Mother Nature's windchimes.

And then, at least 50 times across the nation, the next sound you heard was someone hollering OW! OW! OW! because they got burned when the wind blew the boiling water right back on them.

The Los Angeles Times took the time to comb through Twitter and Facebook and I don't know what-all else to come up with the 50 examples of people burning themselves by tossing boiling water at the sky, and the sky showing them who was in charge after all.  Here are some of the quotes they culled:

"Blayne and I just did the boiling water thing and I accidentally threw all the BOILING water against the wind and burnt myself."

"So I did the thing where you make snow and not all the boiling water froze and now my head is burned."

"I did that boiling water thing except I threw it weird so it came back and burnt my hand."

"So I did that boiling water snow thing but the wind whipped it back at me and my hands are STILL burning lol I can't hold anything."

"so my mom threw boiling water outside and she threw it on herself and burnt herself."

"Tried throwing boiling water in the air. Burnt my hand."

One of the TV guys  who told people to drop everything and start boiling water was Jason DeRusha of WCCO TV in Minneapolis.  "Threw a pot of boiling water in the air. Kids thought it was awesome," he tweeted to his followers on Sunday. "Do it, people."

People did it, all right.  A wiser news anchor might have told people not to throw boiling water into the face of a 15-20 mph wind.  When the newspaper asked DeRusha what he had to say after the injury toll began to mount, he clammed up, saying that he needed permission from his corporate masters before speaking to the media, of which he is a part.

The most dangerous thing I ever did on a snow day was watching Mike Douglas.  Make of that what you will.