Why My Blog Is Late Today

Dear Miss Van Breeman,

(That's the name of my third-grade teacher, who is, without a doubt, standing somewhere right this minute, prim and proper, grade book in hand, ready to grab her red pen and go all "mark it lower" on me...)

No corn in this one!

My blog is late today because I was up til half-past Letterman last night on Amazon.  Do you remember when you showed us a cornucopia and said it was Latin for "too much corn"?  That's the feeling I had.

I have a Bluetooth® device that goes into my Red Ear and lets me hear what people are saying about me.  The only hitch is, they have to be saying these things on my cell phone in a call to me; I can't just tune in to conversations all around.  The Annotated Code of Maryland, which has its origins in Colonial times, says that you can't be driving a car while holding a cell phone in your hand.  No mention of driving while holding a Double Whopper Baconator in one hand with a Super Big Gulp in the other while steering with your knees. 

So I got a Bluetooth® from Peggy for Christmas a couple of years ago and it's worked very well until lately, when it has developed a habit of not working. That's because the battery can't hold a charge for very long.  Oh, you can charge it up, but it just stops working after a while, in much the same fashion as John Boehner. 

But it's a Bluetooth®, not a Tantooth.

So, I need to replace it, and that's why I was on Amazon, and simply by entering "bluetooth headset" in the search box, I got about 37 million replies.  Combing through them was what kept me up until the kid down the street with the part time job got home and set his car alarm.  All I want is a decent little speak and hear device.  I would like a home charger and one for the car.  This is not too much to ask, I don't think, but yet there are just so many devices and so many choices. 

The prices range from $6.24 (can't be very good) to over $200 (who am I, Taggggg Romney or something?)  Some of them have features that will read your texts to you in that curiously nonhuman electro-voice, and I don't need to hear "Stop.At.The.Giant.And.Get.Pastrami.Please" delivered to my ear by Hal 2013.   Sometimes there is such a thing as too much, too many choices, so few ways to discern among the XL-500 (now with Gardol!), the I 8 3 BLTs, and the EarWig 500.

I think I'll go to Radio Shack and throw myself on the mercy of a 17-year old.  That usually works.

Thank you in advance for understanding why my homework is late.  I'll call you!