Tuesday, August 31, 2021

Edam, that's Gouda you!

I have to tell you, even though I try to keep up with all the latest trends, there is a steady stream of fads and foibles that escapes my notice.  I was the last to find out that misguided kids were eating Tide Pods. Dunking a bucket of cold water over one's melon failed to soak me in. I couldn't miss the people on Instagram using dog filters to look like Marmaduke or pursing their lips to look like Daffy, but that was everywhere for a while. Planking, pharming, spicing, flash mobbing: I was the last to be aware of all them.

So now comes my friend Claire to tell me about "cheesing," and of course, I thought this was the practice of giving piano-keyboard smiles in pictures, but no.

It's the new teenage fad - tossing slices of American cheese onto cars. And I know it's teenagers because they are not the ones lining up at the delicatessen counter to buy a half lb. of LOL Cheese (Land O' Lakes, ya know?) Cheese is not so cheap, so they must be raiding Mom's cold cut drawer in the icebox OR taking the filling out of their cheese sandwich for lunch so they can drop a slice or two on a parked Elantra.


In Philadelphia, news reports say rakehells up there are flinging slices of cheese on any target they can find: babies, motorcyclists and even moving cars.

In Philadelphia, I would expect them to use Philadelphia Brand Cream Cheese.

Most of the people who have spent time peeling cheddar off the Chevy still believe that it's just a teenage prank and not a sign of the Devil or anything. And from most reports, most of the cheesing is done to parked cars, not cars being driven. It would be scary to be on the road and have some Velveeta hit the Volvo.

Some say the cheese can goober up your paint or auto glass, especially in hot weather, and just like eggs at Halloween or the dumb slogans your brother-in-law painted on your car on your wedding day, it takes some scrubbing to peel away the provolone.

One of those online community newspapers in our town had people speaking about this odd craze. Some said it was vandalism, some said the vandalism could have been worse and some said they thought it was a perfectly fine way to express oneself.

Those people were asked for their addresses so that others could stop by and smear on some smearcase. I will let you know of any further gorgonzola-goin's-on.