All rise!

There used to be a judge named Robert Nalley down in LaPlata, MD...that's Charles County, Southern Maryland, you understand, where things are a little different than up here.

Nalley was a judge, I say.  He's still alive, just not seated in a courtroom bangin' on a gavel any more.  He is too busy signing up for anger management classes and shelling out $5,000 worth of fine money for what he did the last time he was allowed to stink up a courtroom.

His "honor"

You see, Nalley was a judge, but there came a time in his courtroom that he ordered a deputy to zap a defendant with the stun-cuff the defendant was wearing on his ankle. The defendant, Delvon King, was in court for jury selection on a handgun possession charge. King was representing himself. The judge and he were going back on forth on a procedural issue when the judge told King to stop talking. King, who had not raised his voice, and even had called the judge "sir," failed to stop talking, so the judge ordered a deputy sheriff to activate the cuff.  

You can see the man screaming in pain here. 

So for this inhumane treatment of a fellow human, Nalley got a year of probation, anger management, and the fine. 

They had a trial for him the other day. Prosecutor Kristi O'Malley said Nalley "very quickly grew impatient" that day, and that calling for the stun-cuff was "highly disproportionate" for "nothing more than verbal interruptions."

"Our constitution does not allow a violation of rights based on annoyance," she said.

Because if it did, we could all line up and apply a few thousand volts to Nalley.  Those who follow the hilarious hi-jinx of some members of the legal profession might recall the last time he was in trouble...when a courthouse cleaning woman parked in a spot that he considered his outside on a public street, since he is better than you and I.  Nalley handled that horrible offense by sneaking out of his courtroom and letting the air out of the woman's tire.

Nalley showed up for his trial represented by an attorney (no fool, he) named Robert Bonsib, whose contribution to furthering justice included pointing out that Nalley had never been trained in the use of the stun cuff. "To say that I'm chagrined to be standing here is an understatement," Nalley told the court.  This donnybrook brought to an end his career as a judge, which began in 1988.

Nalley did not apologize but admitted that he had made an "error in judgment." 

Judge William Connelly, who oversaw Nalley's case, said in court that a year of probation was an appropriate sentence in part because of Nalley's age and the fact he can no longer hear cases.

So, remember, the next time you feel like committing assault and battery on another person, just go to court saying you should get off easy because you're real old and just lost your job.  This is like killing your parents and begging for mercy on the grounds that you're an orphan, only that's a joke and this is the truth, Maryland-style.