Your Cheatin' Heart

The way the internet got all in a dither the other day, you would have thought that Donald Trump's hair fell off or something. But this was even worse!

Country music "sweethearts" Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton are splitting up after four years of marriage.

"This is not the future we envisioned," they told Us Weekly in a statement. "And it is with heavy hearts that we move forward separately. We are real people, with real lives, with real families, friends and colleagues. Therefore, we kindly ask for privacy and compassion concerning this very personal matter."

They lived in Tishomingo, Oklahoma, the town that gave the name to the song "Tishomingo Blues," which is the theme song for Garrison Keillor's "Prairie Home Companion" radio show.

Since they make what passes for country music these days, and since what passes for country music is very popular, these two are popular, and their imminent divorce seems to be striking at the hearts of many people, people who figured that if there was one good and true love in all the world, it was Blake and Miranda.

Well, friends, here's the good news: Blake and Miranda, together in seeming love and harmony or battling through an acrimonious divorce, have nothing to do with your love, so relax and keep yours together the best way you can.

I can offer this advice as a long-time happily married person. Everything I ever read about these two always concerned their fervent declarations of mutual love and respect, and he was quoted often about how he gave his wife permission to look through his phone and his computer any doggone time she cared to look through his electrons for who knows what?

People in a real life committed honest faithful relationship don't even think about that sort of thing. I never have told Peggy she is free to examine my stuff. Of course not. Just to say so is to hint that there just might be something to hide, which I have not.  A thorough trip through my texts, emails and saved photographs would yield nothing but reminders about physical therapy appointments, jokes about Donald Trump's hair, and pictures of Norm Macdonald telling jokes about a moth.

Hint to those about to make a decision on a partner:  A person who more than once says, "I got nothin' to hide" has something to hide.  Just ask Kaynette Gern Shelton, the first "Mrs Blake Shelton," whom he divorced shortly after taking up with Miranda.

But, just to show how things are down on his farm, Rolling Stone magazine reports that Blake has been very upset in the last few weeks and told her she had to get her animals off his Oklahoma ranch by Monday.

Get those cows and horses outta here!

Next wife, please?

And here I thought these two crazy kids were going all the way.